“Is this a problem to be solved — or a truth to be accepted?”

That question stopped me in my tracks during my conversation with psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma.

There are problems we can solve. Habits we can change. Relationships we can strengthen. Health choices we can make. New routines we can build.

But there are also truths we may need to accept: loss, change, uncertainty, shifting roles, changing bodies, evolving relationships, and the fact that the next chapter may not come with a clear map.

That is why I wanted to talk with Dr. Sue Varma, author of Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being, on this week’s episode of AGE BETTER.

And let me be clear: this is not a conversation about pretending everything is fine.

It’s not toxic positivity.

It’s not “just look on the bright side.”

It’s about learning how to face reality with more tools, more courage, more self-trust, and more action.

Optimism Is Not Denial

That last word matters: action.

Because hope, as she says, is not just a noun. Hope is also a verb.

This is especially important for women in midlife and beyond, when we are thinking deeply about our health, strength, brains, relationships, independence, and purpose.

How do I stay strong?

How do I stay connected?

How do I fight frailty?

How do I handle fear without letting fear run my life?

How do I move forward when I feel stuck?

Dr. Sue’s message is hopeful because optimism is not simply something you are born with. It is something you can practice.

When your mind jumps to the worst-case scenario, she suggests asking:

What is the best-case scenario?

What is the most likely scenario?

And can I handle it?

That last question is powerful because anxiety often makes us overestimate the danger and underestimate our ability to deal with it.

Practical optimism helps us see the full picture — and then take the next right step.

Purpose Doesn’t Have to Be Grand

Many women reach this stage of life and feel a shift.

Maybe your children are grown. Maybe your work life has changed. Maybe you’re retired or thinking about retiring. Maybe a relationship has ended or evolved. Maybe you’re simply asking, “What now?”

Dr. Sue’s answer was refreshing: purpose does not have to be a grand mission.

It can be a “little P” purpose.

A walk with a friend.

A strength-training goal.

A class.

A volunteer commitment.

A creative project.

A reason to get up, get dressed, get out, and participate in your own life.

Sometimes purpose starts with what we choose to put on our calendar.

And those small choices matter because the structure of our days becomes the shape of our lives.

Your Body May Be Telling You Something

“Your body will express what your mind cannot.”

So many women are very good at functioning. We keep going. We take care of everyone else. We push through. We say, “I’m fine.”

But unprocessed emotions do not simply disappear.

They can show up as jaw clenching, shoulder tension, insomnia, digestive issues, fatigue, irritability, or that constant feeling of being on edge.

Dr. Sue shares a simple four-step process for handling difficult emotions:

Name it.

Claim it.

Tame it.

Reframe it.

Name what triggered you. Claim where you feel it in your body. Tame it with a calming practice, even one minute of breathing. Then reframe it by asking whether there is another way to look at the situation.

And sometimes there may not be a silver lining.

That’s when the question comes in:

Is this a problem to be solved — or a truth to be accepted?

That is practical optimism.

Not denial. Not avoidance. Discernment.

Loneliness, Connection, and Being Alone

Dr. Sue makes an important distinction: friendship and community are not the same thing.

We need deep friendships, of course. But we also need community — the walking group, the class, the neighbors, the casual conversations, the people we see regularly.

Those small “microconnections” remind us we are part of the world.

This is one of the reasons I am so passionate about the Bone Health & Osteoporosis Foundation’s Be Bone Strong Walking Clubs. They combine movement, connection, community, and purpose. LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE BHOF ‘BE BONE STRONG’ WALKING CLUBS!

No walker ever walks alone.

But Dr. Sue also talks about something I loved: an aloneness practice.

Loneliness is the painful gap between the connection you want and the connection you have.

Aloneness, when practiced intentionally, is learning to enjoy your own company.

A cup of coffee in peace.

A walk by yourself.

A café, a book, a quiet moment without needing to be entertained.

Dr. Sue calls it “dating yourself.”

We need both: connection with others and comfort with ourselves.

The Four M’s of Mental Health

Movement.

Mastery.

Mindfulness.

Meaningful engagement.

Move your body. Get better at something. Find moments of presence. Connect with something or someone that matters.

One activity can often check several of those boxes at once: a walking club, a dance class, strength training with a friend, volunteering, taking a class, or making a 10-minute call to someone you care about.

This does not have to be complicated.

It just has to be practiced.

Why I Hope You’ll Listen

Not as a mood.

Not as a personality trait.

Not as pretending everything is okay.

But as a practice.

A way to ask:

What can I do next?

What is still within my control?

What support do I need?

What truth do I need to accept?

What problem can I solve?

That, to me, is the heart of practical optimism.

And if you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, worried, lonely, unsure about your next chapter, or simply ready to feel more steady and hopeful, I think this episode will give you tools you can use right away.

You can listen to the full episode of AGE BETTER wherever you get your podcasts, or watch it on YouTube.

And after you do, I’d love to hear from you:

What does practical optimism look like in your life right now?

Because hope is not passive.

Hope is something we practice.

And it can start today.

LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION HERE

Thank you for reading!

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