I wrote a novel a few years ago. A very big deal for me. I was the queen of 500-700 word pieces – not 80,000 word stories, replete with plot and characters and twists and turns. I wanted to challenge myself and I did it! I gave it to some trusted friends initially, just to make sure it wasn’t complete rubbish. I knew they would be honest, but kind. It passed their test.
Next, I sent it to an editor. I knew it wasn’t perfect – it was my 1st attempt, after all. This woman came recommended, so with a big sigh, I handed my “baby” over to her. What I got back was not what I expected. Yes, I expected some criticism, some suggestions on what worked and what absolutely did not. I thought I was prepared for whatever she dished out. But I wasn’t.
“This was a good first attempt. Now start over.”
In effect, give this baby away and get a new one. A better one. What that meant, I wasn’t quite sure.
Starting over implies that something didn’t work. It went wrong. You have just exerted all this energy and…. Nope, not good enough. What were you thinking? Try a different path. Try to be good this time.
The judgement…
I’ve been thinking about this concept in terms of my life. Like everyone, my life path has had its twists and turns. Things go incredibly well…and then they don’t. I have had to “start over” several times. But it is how I hold that which makes the difference.
If I need to start over because something went awry, I may find myself in a fog of confusion. What just happened? How can I start again? I go over and over the details of my life, looking for clues as to what I could have done differently so that the ending would not have been so abrupt or have happened at all. The overarching theme is that I did something wrong.
But, if I choose instead to have a new beginning, it is a fresh page on which I can create the life I desire. Instead of looking back at what went wrong and how I can avoid that going forward, I am looking for what I really want to build and create. What brings me joy and fulfillment? I use the past as information, not as a whipping post.
Self-reflection is an essential tool. And it can easily slide into self-flagellation if you are not careful. The observation of what didn’t work is best shifted to a focus on the outcome you DO want, and the actions/thoughts/beliefs needed to get you there.
And if what you create doesn’t meet expectations, no worries. There is always room for a new beginning!
