It is said that expectations are pre-meditated resentments. It all has to do with how you hold a situation and the response you will give if it doesn’t turn out the way you want. It is giving yourself permission to be angry because “I knew they wouldn’t do xyz…”. I am familiar with this concept…

I am also extremely blessed to be experiencing what it is like when you DON’T hold expectations. Thanks to my parent’s frugal ways and desire to have their girls remain close to one another, I was able to buy a summer home in Michigan – emphasis on SUMMER. I grew up in Michigan and know what those winters are like. Been there, done that. With this in mind, I took the steps to winterize the place and looked forward to coming out this summer, and having my kids and grandkids come out to enjoy the beauty of Lake Michigan.

This is where the Universe said, “Oh really? Let’s see how that expectation holds up…” And proceeded to bestow upon the State a horrific winter, which caused my radiators to blow and the house needing now a great deal of repair.

What is one to do in this situation? My go-to response would normally be devastation. First of all, I would probably blame myself for not doing something right. Then for buying a place in the first place. Who did I think I was? You know, just pile on the self-recriminations. Then, when I’d exhausted those, I’d look to others. The realtor, the home inspector, the plumber, the weather gods. You get the picture.

Instead, I have remained curious and calm. And more than a little amazed at these reactions. Sure, I’m disappointed that I can’t spend the summer in my own home, as anticipated, but is my life DEVASTATED by this? Not in the least. Am I excited about having to spend money I didn’t think I’d have to? Nope. And I am grateful to be in a position to find the means to deal with the situation? Absolutely. The list goes on and on. I am experiencing the concept of wearing life like a loose garment. I am observing it, not feeling I need to control it. As I said, a new concept for me.

Years ago, when I worked for IBM, I attended the annual sales conference where they would always have an inspiring guest speaker. One year it was Grace Hopper, the woman who invented the first compiler, co-developed the COBOL programming language, and served as a U.S. Navy Rear Admiral. Yes, impressive. But the one that really stuck with me was Herb Cohen, a master negotiator and one who helped develop the hostage negotiating curriculum at Quantico. His approach was “Care…but not too much.” In other words, be invested in the process, but not the outcome. Caring too much brings expectations and accompanying resentments, and creates blocks to ever reaching a settlement. Or happiness.

Yes, I may not have the expected summer of my dreams. And that, it seems, is a very good thing. Instead I am learning to ask for help, be flexible, and find new ways to bring joy into my life. Looking forward with curiosity to see what might be next down this always surprising road of life!