Who would have thought Lent would be the impetus for happiness?
I grew up in a Midwestern Protestant family. If I had to describe our church-going, it would be “something you did”. We did not have the passion of the Evangelical church, the many-days-a-week requirements of our Christian Reformed neighbors, or the rules and structure of the Catholic families. So, when it was time for Lent, it was really no big deal. There were no requirements. It wasn’t until I was post-college, and needed a good excuse to diet, that I decided to give up something during Lent, with the added benefit of showing how pious I was. At some point during the 6 weeks I heard about a “loophole” where Sundays were “free days”… and there went the commitment. I’m not sure if I ever made it the full 46 days, and I always had the excuse that “I didn’t have to do it in the first place”, as my church didn’t require it.
Fast forward a few decades, a bit wiser and actually now more spiritual than religious, I decided that instead of giving up something for Lent, maybe I would try adding something into my life that would change my thinking and behavior for the better. I reflected on an experiment I had done when my oldest son was 4-years-old. That had been a challenging time for both of us, and we found ourselves in a downward spiral. He was in a constant state of doing something he shouldn’t, and I was continually on the lookout for what he was going to do next. I recognized that this had become a self-fulfilling prophecy, that wasn’t going to end well. So, I changed the narrative. Instead of looking for what he was doing wrong, I concentrated on looking for what he was doing RIGHT. I made a wallchart and put up stickers when I “caught him” doing something good. A bunch of stickers translated into a reward for him. And it worked: his behavior improved. But almost more importantly, so did my attitude. I was able to shift my perspective by adding in something that I wanted to cultivate in my life.
With that experience in mind, I began to look for things to do to add value, rather than focusing on a sacrifice. Some years I would do an exercise program, or meditation. One year I had an idea to make business cards that said “Thank you,” and carried them with me when I went into NYC on business. I’d look for people doing something kind, like holding open a door, or being kind to a stranger…and I’d thank them and give them a card, and encourage them to pass it on. It felt good. This inspired me the next year to make a list of 46 people I was grateful for, and I sent a handwritten note a day to them, expressing my gratitude. It was a heartwarming task.
This year I decided to focus on happiness. You don’t have to go very far these days to find anger, fear, and angst, to name a few of the negative feelings floating freely about. I decided to see if my experiment with my son so many years ago would still work. Instead of focusing on the woes of the world, I would look for things that made me happy. I post them every day, to hopefully bring a smile, and an encouragement for others to do the same.
And what have I found? It works. Happiness begets happiness. Since I have been “looking for it”, I have found it, in spades. There have been events in my life that will stay with me forever, like a surprise family reunion organized by my children, bringing together 4 generations! And things as simple as neighbors who take the time to stop and chat and see how my day is going. It encourages me to do the same.
This sacred time of year is a great time for a project like this. But so are the other 319 days. Wouldn’t it be great to start a positive trend? Let’s see what can happen!
