It’s hard times for The Spare

When Harry married Meghan, I predicted they’d be on “Dancing with the Stars” within five years. Well, it isn’t as bad as that. Not yet. But it was a tough week for the Royal Spare. He’s in England and before he even landed, he was invited and then disinvited to stay at Buckingham Palace. At one time Meghan and the kids were expected to join him for the whole trip and to see the king, the granddad Lilibet and Archie had never met.

And yes, they’re both very peculiar names. Isn’t Archie just a nickname and not a proper name at all? Didn’t anyone point that out? And as for Lilibet, we all know that was the very private childhood nickname of the Queen. But a Palace source has said that the Queen was never asked if the name could be appropriated. And claims made in royal biographies allege that the Queen was “as angry as I’d ever seen her” when faced with a public statement from Harry that she had approved of the Sussexes using the name for their daughter.

Harry was in Great Britain to promote, a year ahead of time, the Invictus Games, a para-Olympic sports event he started for wounded soldiers. But before he brought Meghan and the kids to London, he wanted publicly funded security for his family. You can understand his wanting security. But it was turned down because Harry and Meghan aren’t working members of the Royal family any longer. You can understand that as well because after the recent Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor debacle the Royals are being very careful about how they spend taxpayer cash.

You’d think Harry would just hire his own. He says it’s the principle. His children deserve that protection but maybe it’s the cost as well. For the Sussexes aren’t doing all that much these days. That first heady flush of seven-figure Netflix deals, a top-of-the-chart bestseller and a splashy tell-all to Oprah special is long over.

And to add to Harry’s woes, last Tuesday he lost a years-long privacy invasion case against the Daily Mail for targeting him and several other celebrities with unlawful information gathering. But the judge wrote in his opinion that Harry and the others failed to prove that the information had been unlawfully obtained. Quite a slap down. The dismissal of the case could leave Harry and his fellow claimants with massive legal bills.

In response Associated Newspapers who owns the Daily Mail crowed: “The reputation of our decent and hard-working journalists were terribly impugned, and today they have been exonerated.”

I guess they managed to issue that statement with a straight face. I know British tabloid journalism. My husband worked for the Daily Mail for years. It really makes you wonder how unpopular Harry must be if the court ignored his complaint –– he was in tears on the stand when he testified –– and ended up accepting the Mail’s we didn’t do it defense. On the day of the judgment the Mail was gleefully reporting how Charles was pushed to the breaking point by Harry’s “chaos, disruption and disrespect.” It’s kind of sad. And finally Harry, Meghan and the kids did join Charles and Camilla for a very quick, very private meeting, with no photos being released. I’m sure we will hear how William felt about that.

I admit I know a lot about Britain’s Royal Family. And about British journos, too. But that’s another story. I once wrote a paper on “The Troublesome Wives of Windsor” for a graduate school class. I compared Meghan and Wallis Simpson, who was the Duchess of Windsor. Both Americans, both divorced, both unexpected choices by not the brightest of Windsor men. Both caused big problems. The Duke of Windsor when he was Prince of Wales and on the verge of becoming king, abdicated and gave up the throne for Mrs. Simpson. Nobody really understood why, including Wallis. Those were the times when the British press never mentioned that the Prince of Wales appeared to be in love with a totally inappropriate and not very attractive American woman. They only dished about it after he was gone.

Joan Collins, remember her, is starring in a new movie about the last days of the Duchess called “The Bitter End.” Yes, things got that bad. For years the Windsors were locked together, quite miserable, and would ask to be paid for personal appearances. I think Meghan tried that on just recently during a trip she and Harry took to Australia. Not a good omen.

It’s true Meghan was treated roughly by the British press during their engagement and when she was first married. First adored and then sneered at. I still remember racist headlines about her like “Straight Outa Compton.” She was put into daily competition with sister-in-law Kate. Harry and Meghan said they were shocked, shocked at the treatment. But excuse me, didn’t they remember how Diana was treated. It’s the way the tabloids sell papers. And it’s also the way the Royals stay top-of-mind and relevant.

I admit I get notifications daily on my phone telling me the latest. Is my algorithm that shallow? Maybe. These days it is usually about Kate. What she wears. That George, her oldest son is almost as tall as she is and is about to go to Eton. I know she just scaled the three highest mountains in the United Kingdom in 24 hours, a feat known as the National Three Peaks Challenge. It’s just 18 months since Kate ended her cancer treatments. She wrote on Instagram that she had completed the Challenge “to raise awareness for the deeper impact of serious illness and the importance of holistic healthcare.”

Her brother was with her on the climbs and wrote “Two years ago, I told you we’d climb this mountain together. We talked about climbing mountains while you were in hospital … Seeing how far you’ve come is nothing short of inspiring … Keep being exactly who you are.” Now William and Harry, Kate and her bro are two siblings that really seem to get along

Last week would have been Diana’s 65^th birthday. There was William’s tearful tribute and photos of her all over the internet. Especially the photos of her with her two sons. If she was still around, could William and Harry be so estranged? Would Harry have left England for the not-so-bright lights of Hollywood? Tina Brown in a recent column commented that all Harry really wants to do is public service work and get paid for it. Which is exactly what a Prince does. Shame he gave up the one job he was pretty good at. And for the woman he loved which has a bad track record for the Windsors.

Kate, I think, instinctively knows the right way to play an increasingly important role in the Royal family. You don’t try to change it. Meghan and Harry tried. You can’t. Rather you find what’s best about it and ever-so-tactfully make it better. Kate Middleton is a middle-class girl whose mother was a flight attendant and whose father was a flight dispatcher and made their money with an online party supply business. She figured it out and got it right. Princess Catherine is now the most popular Royal of them all. I really like her. I admire her shrewdness.