Orgasms in the Shower

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Do you have a question about sex, love, or romance? Dr. Ruth’s got the answers.


orgasms in the shower, dr. ruth, the three tomatoesI can only have an orgasm from a vibrator or shower hose 

Q. I have never had an orgasm through vaginal intercourse, but what’s REALLY troubling me is that I can’t even climax through stimulation of the clitoris when I masturbate by hand (though I’ve tried many times). the only method that works is if I use a vibrator or a shower hose. I’ve been using pretty strong vibrators for years and I’m worried that I’ve de-sensitized my clitoris by masturbating too much! Is that possible? What can I do to have a normal, natural, manually-induced orgasm?

Dr. Ruth. There are two possible answers to your situation. The first is that you did use the strong sensations of a vibrator too much so that you now require them to have an orgasm. The other is that you are one of those women who are born with no other option than to apply strong sensations to their clitoris in order to trigger the orgasmic response.

Let’s deal with the second one first. If that’s the case, it’s not the end of the world. At least you can have orgasms so that you don’t have to be sexually frustrated for the rest of your life. And hopefully you can teach your partner how to use the vibrator on you so that he can give you orgasms, so that he won’t feel too left out. I understand that it’s not the ideal, but it’s better to need a vibrator than to not be able to have orgasms at all.

The more likely scenario is that because you’ve been using vibrators for a long time that you’ve taught yourself to require those strong sensations in order to have an orgasm. It may be possible to wean yourself of this need. Start by using the vibrator to make yourself very aroused, and then try to finish off using just your fingers. Hopefully, little by little, you’ll be able to reduce the need for the vibrator’s strong sensations and one day may not need them at all. Whatever you do, don’t put a timetable on yourself. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it’s going to be to accomplish. If it takes a year, then it takes a year. Of course you may not be able to succeed, and then you’re in the situation described above, which as I said, is not the worst thing in the world.


  • Ruth Westheimer

    Dr. Ruth Westheimer is a psychosexual therapist who pioneered speaking frankly about sexual matters on radio with her program, Sexually Speaking. It began in September of 1980 as a fifteen minute, taped show that aired Sundays after midnight on WYNY-FM (NBC) in New York. One year later it became a live, one-hour show airing at 10 PM on which Dr. Ruth, as she became known, answered call-in questions from listeners. Soon it became part of a communications network to distribute Dr. Westheimer's expertise which has included television, books, newspapers, games, home video, computer software and her own website,

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