Dating Again 101 – What Men Really Want

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By Brigitte Weil

Dating Again 101 – What Men Really Want

I know what men want.

They tell me all the time.

It might surprise you.

As a Matchmaker and dating coach, I listen to men all day tell me what they think is sexy.

Sure, some men prefer blondes to brunettes or short to tall or slender to curvaceous yet there’s one preference that is constantly reiterated.

You see, men get to be brutally honest with me and tell me their hopes, desires, fantasies and dreams.

The men I work with are divorced or widowed, they’ve already done Chapter 1 and have had plenty of single time to decide what’s meaningful this time around.

I’m harmless and neutral territory – they are not dating me- and they know the more transparent they are with me, the better I can set them up with matches that fit their vision of Ms. Right.

I hear it all, but the C word inevitably comes up, and that’s when men start to really get excited.

The C word, of course, is confidence.

And clearly, nothing is as appealing to a man than a woman who has confidence in herself.

How do they recognize confidence?

This is what they notice:

1- Confident women do not put themselves down! It’s important and wonderful to be honest while we tell our life stories, but do NOT apologize for the choices you’ve made. We, as women, have likely made several difficult choices that may seem complicated – they are complicated! That’s what makes us unique, strong, and admirable! Do not apologize for who you are or who you’ve become.

2- Confident women tell the truth. They don’t lie about their age, jobs, status or circumstances. It’s who we are and there’s nothing more disappointing than someone liking you for something that you’re not and will never be.

3- Confident women are comfortable in their outfit, no matter their size. They’ve chosen to wear an outfit on the date that feels good to them, and that good feeling radiates outward.
(I am used to the often last-minute frantic calls from clients panicking about what to wear on their date, especially when it’s a first date. My advice is always the same: wear something you are comfortable in, something that makes you smile at yourself when you look in the mirror).

It’s also important to not wear something that is too tight or too low cut for your comfort level, unless you like that look for yourself. Forget the Spanx if you cannot breathe and skip the 7 inch heels if you cannot make it from the table to the ladies room with reasonable grace. You will radiate confidence if you feel comfortable and attractive in whatever you choose.

4- Confident women do not sell themselves. You don’t need to brag or tell someone how great or worthy you are. They can tell. Instead, focus on if the date is worthy of your attention and affection.

5- Confident women are fun to be with! They laugh, they smile, they are light hearted, they appreciate the humor in the mutual awkwardness of a first date perhaps after decades of not dating, and don’t take themselves too seriously.

They don’t have to, they know they are already enough, just as they are.

So before going out on that next first date and thinking about getting your hair, nails, and waxing done while you develop and fine-tune your “pitch” in your head, think instead about just showing up in what you already own.

It will look fabulous on you.


Brigitte Weil is an unapologetic food lover, dating coach, matchmaker, and motivational speaker who believes that life is too brief to give up chocolate, pizza, dirty martinis or dating. She is the founder of life-changing coaching programs that teach women how to live thrilling happy lives with ease. Brigitte is a graduate of The Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, NY, a Paris-trainer pastry chef, a Certified Personal Trainer, Matchmaker, and Dating Coach and remains committed to developing Coaching programs that support her philosophy of combining her passion of food and fitness with balance to create the delicious lives we desire. She can be best reached @


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