Oversharing on Dates
If you tend to overshare on dates, or you get uncomfortable when your date overshares, you MUST watch this video!
Do you overshare on dates? Have you ever been on a date with someone who overshared? In this video, I discuss what oversharing is, why it can be a problem in dating, and what we can do about it.
Do You Overshare On Dates?
What is oversharing and why is it a problem?
Many people get deep before they know someone well. They share too much too soon, usually around past relationships, finances, or past trauma. Why is this a problem? Because if you share the deeper stuff before you know and like each other, you run the risk of turning off the people you like. We all judge quickly, and if you’re hearing about illnesses, addictions, or debt, you’re probably not going on a second date. If someone overshares with you before they know you well, we wonder about unresolved issues.
Because we’re anxious and we want to be accepted.
We worry that:
- They won’t be attracted to us
- We won’t be impressive enough
- We won’t be interesting enough
- They might reject us for something, so we should talk about right away and see what happens
What do we overshare about?
- Past relationships
- Past trauma/illness
What to do if you share too much too soon
Brené Brown says people need to earn your stories. So, be like an onion. Peel back layer after layer, one step at a time, after building trust, slowly and steadily. Prepare in advance what you want to share at each stage.
When your date overshares
Set a boundary. Tell them you don’t feel comfortable hearing about that right now. Or you can ask, “What does your therapist say about that?”
Most of us don’t realize that sharing too much too soon can turn off the people we like. So, be an onion, and peel back your layers one at a time, as you get to know the person you’re dating. When trust and affection grow, you can reveal more of the hard stuff. But, in the beginning, connect on the good stuff; your passions, your dreams, and what makes you laugh. Because laughter is far sexier than debt!
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