How NOT to Marry Mr. Wrong

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Everyone is talking about the article in the NYT… Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.  Here are my thoughts on this doom and gloom piece.

How NOT to Marry Mr. WrongAlain de Botton’s article, Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person is yet another doom and gloom commentary on marriage. His belief that “choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for” probably speaks to his own disappointments in love and marriage.

In the past 35 years of working with individuals and couples, I have identified 3 reasons why people marry the wrong person.  The good news is that if we are willing to educate ourselves about relationships, we can look forward to finding lasting love.

  1. If each of us is not is a good place emotionally and psychologically, it is not possible to choose the ‘right’ partner.  It is also very difficult, if not impossible, to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with anyone, if our own ‘unfinished business’ from the past as well as current unresolved issues have not been acknowledged, addressed and resolved.
  1. The majority of people have unfortunately not learned the ingredients that actually go into a long-lasting healthy relationship like a marriage.
  1. If we don’t know what ingredients go into a healthy relationship, we are in no position to be able to assess who’s right or wrong for us BEFORE committing to any serious relationship.

However, if we are willing to do some relationship education homework, we will be in a position to choose Mr./Ms. Right and find lasting love. The choice is yours!

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  • Beatty Cohan

    Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT, is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author, national speaker, columnist and national radio and television expert guest. Beatty has been an expert guest in national television and radio for over 25 years and continues to offer her unique charismatic brand of positive energy and psychological analysis and commentary -- bypassing the usual trite psycho-babble and often politically correct blandness that dominates the mass media. Beatty is co-author of For Better, For Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, and host of ASK BEATTY, live every Monday night on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in New York City, East Hampton and Sarasota, Florida. Visit Beatty at: Or email at:

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