How to Put the Sizzle in Your Sex Life! 

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how do you put the sizzle in your sex life, the three tomatoesHow are Men and Women Really Doing in the Bedroom?

A recent Pittsburgh Western Psychiatric study involving 100 happy and very happily married heterosexual couples found that:

  1.  50% of the women had difficulty becoming aroused.
  2.  46% of the women had difficulty achieving orgasm.
  3.  15% of women were unable to achieve orgasm under any circumstances.
  4.  33% of the men experienced problems with premature ejaculation
  5.  52% of men between the ages of 40-70 reported problems with erectile dysfunction.

If this is what is going on in the bedrooms of couples who describe their marriages as happy or very happy, one can only imagine the sexual difficulties that couples are experiencing whose marriages are less than satisfying. In fact, I see couples of all ages and stages in life who rarely if ever have sex!

Did you know that there are 10 reasons why people have problems in the bedroom?

Unless all of these issues are fully explored and acknowledged, addressed and resolved, sex will continue to be a major source of frustration and disappointment for the majority of men and women despite Lybrido, Viagra, or any other drug.

  1. We need to be in a healthy emotional state if we plan on having a good relationship, sexual or otherwise with anyone. Knowledge, address and resolve issues including: depression, anxiety, stress, low self-esteem, eating disorders, substance abuse, early child sexual abuse, religious beliefs, etc.
  2. Our relationship must be healthy and satisfying if we are to enjoy a satisfying sexual relationship. And if we are not in a relationship, give yourself permission to masturbate as often as you like. It’s a great tension release.
  3. People have a variety of sexual side effects from both prescription and over the counter medications including SSRI’s, hi blood pressure and cholesterol medication. Don’t hesitate to speak with your doctor. Frequently a small change in dose can make all the difference!
  4.  There are also sexual side effects from alcohol, especially if you are drinking excessively. Remember….alcohol is a depressant!
  5. There are the expected challenges of illnesses, including cancer, heart disease, hysterectomy, etc. Even if you or your partner are unable to have sex for a period of time, you can still cuddle, kiss and feel close.
  6. We all know about the challenges of menopause. As we age our hormone levels change too. Make sure that you know what your hormone levels are (including your testosterone level). And ask your doctor to have them checked. It’s amazing what a small dose of testosterone can do for your energy and libido.
  7. As you know erectile dysfunction is not uncommon. Make sure that your partner gets a thorough physical exam including an accurate diagnosis. Is there nerve damage, blocked vessels, depression, performance anxiety, alcohol, drugs? The good news……There are a variety of drugs including Levitra, Cialis, Viagra and devices (including the penis pump, injections and implants) that can really help.
  8. Premature ejaculation is a very common problem and fairly easy to solve. Try these proven techniques: squeeze technique and stop/start. And there are a number of numbing creams that also help to effectively stop your partner from ejaculating too quickly.
  9. What do women want sexually?  We want EMOTIONAL FOREPLAY. We want to be loved, admired and respected. We also want and need sufficient physical foreplay, including manual and oral stimulation. Most women require between 15-20 minutes of physical foreplay before being ready to have intercourse. Men ….listen up!
  10. Be adventurous. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. And don’t be reluctant to try vibrators, pornography and different lubricants. Experiment. And you may soon discover a number of new aphrodisiacs and really turn you on.

And finally…. Make dates for sex. If you are always waiting for the ‘perfect’ time, it may rarely if ever happen. The Nike commercial’s message was powerful…….Just DO IT!!!! It’s amazing what can happen.

And if you find that you need some expert professional help, don’t hesitate to contact a licensed and experienced sex therapist. These days there is no need (unless you have no interest) to live your life without satisfying sex!

Do you have a question for Beatty? Email her at


  • Beatty Cohan

    Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT, is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author, national speaker, columnist and national radio and television expert guest. Beatty has been an expert guest in national television and radio for over 25 years and continues to offer her unique charismatic brand of positive energy and psychological analysis and commentary -- bypassing the usual trite psycho-babble and often politically correct blandness that dominates the mass media. Beatty is co-author of For Better, For Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, and host of ASK BEATTY, live every Monday night on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in New York City, East Hampton and Sarasota, Florida. Visit Beatty at: Or email at:

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