As I see signs of harvesting, falling leaves, and winnowing, I realize that it’s a good time to think about my friendships. Like many women my age, I’m noticing that my circle of friends has gotten smaller. As an introvert, (I love the book I’m Sorry I’m Late. I Didn’t Want to Come.) I probably want more alone time than some people. Still, I suddenly realized that I was feeling a bit lonely.

There are a few relationships that I have dropped for reasons ranging from real or perceived hurts or lack of active participation in maintaining our bond. I dropped one friend who I checked in with consistently because she was unable to honor my request that she initiate a call once a year. (Or maybe I just finally acknowledged that she had dropped me.)

A friend had, a few months ago had a similar revelation and created a dinner circle. This spurred me to plant seeds and to reinforce relationships. I went back to look at my support circle. I introduced this model in the first piece I wrote for The Three Tomatoes:

I started to see how groups might fit into a similar pattern – growth, support, common interest, joy maybe. It might look like this:

As I reviewed my list of groups, I realized that there at least seven different groups on my list, plus members of my support network and friends and neighbors for whom there is no category.

I think that I need a maintenance and management chart. It’s a challenge, sometimes, to remember to keep in touch, to give back, to nurture the people in each group as individuals and part of a collective. Am I – are we – upto it? That’s where the real work and the real joy is.