In a world where every retail store, service provider, and entertainment venue pushes out instantaneous customer satisfaction questions, we’ve developed survey fatigue about how businesses should run better.

In contrast, we have far more enthusiasm for ranking ourselves relative to others. We like knowing if what we do, think, and act differs from peers. Answering questions about habits, tastes, and experiences provides fascinating insights. How do I compare in saving money, exercising, dining out, having sex, traveling solo, and so much more? As Gayle King says, knowing where we are on a continuum provides the perspective to improve.

We are motivated to learn how others behave to feel connected to the world. After all, it’s comforting to discover there are people out there just like you.

The Friendship Reality Check

And if connection is what we all truly yearn for, the most useful test of how connected we are is to evaluate our relationships.

The richest connections we have are our friends. Research shows we can maintain about 150 friendships over time. But the number that really matters is much smaller. All of us can benefit from evaluating which of our connections are both healthy and beneficial.

This quiz is intended to get you thinking about your own connections and to aid you in assessing how many of your friendships provide meaningful emotional support.

Friendship/Connection Survey (Score a point for each “yes” answer below:)

1. Access:

• I have at least three people I could call today –without wondering if I’m interrupting — who would respond immediately.

___ Yes      ___ No

2. Presence:

• I have spent in-person time with a friend in the past 10 days (texting doesn’t count).

___ Yes       ___ No

3. Initiative:

• In the past two weeks, I initiated plans with a friend, not just responded to them.

___ Yes        ___ No

4. Intimacy:

• There is at least one person in my life who knows what’s really going on with me right now.

___ Yes       ___ No

5. Ease:

• There is someone I can reach out to without rehearsing what I’m going to say.

____ Yes     ___ No

6. Consistency:

• I have at least one standing or predictable weekly connection plan (walk, call, lunch)

____ Yes    ____ No

7. Reciprocity:

• My friendships feel equal – I give, but I also receive.

____ Yes      ____ No

8. Balance:

• I have a healthy mix of current friends I am actively in touch with – not just the people I used to be close to.

____ Yes      ____ No

9. Impact:

• The time I spend with friends leaves me feeling energized (rather than drained).

____ Yes      ___ No

• Visibility:
• If I disappeared for a week, at least one friend would notice and get in touch.

____ Yes     ____ No

The Survey Says…

• If you scored 8-10…

Good for you!  Your friendships provide relevance, perspective, and value. You understand that friendships aren’t always self-sustaining and that you must invest in protecting, growing, and cherishing them.

• If you scored 5-7…

Your friendships are substantive but perhaps underutilized. Your friends are there for you. But if you want the friendships to mature, you must also actively nurture them.

• If you scored 3-4…

You have connections you’ve accumulated over the various chapters of your life. Some of the friendships are outdated; others may need rejuvenating. Focus on supplementing existing friendships with your present-day connections.

• If you scored 0-2…

You aren’t alone. It is more common than many people admit to. We are often surrounded by colleagues, neighbors, or acquaintances. Yet few in the truest sense of the words are friends, leaving us wanting deeper connections.

In my own life, I am reminded of the importance of rooted and active friendships. In response to recent Linked In and social media posts announcing my upcoming trip to Mayo Clinic, I was reminded again how many people have been in my corner for years.

Not only was I touched by the number of people I have heard from that I am close to, I was also overwhelmed by the encouragement, kindness, and practical information they shared. It was the best kind of reassurance that I am not alone.

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to consider how important friendships are. You can make them stronger whenever you choose.  Start now. One person. One reach-out at a time. One plan to transform your connections into friendships that matter.

Tell me how you invest in friendships by writing to me at Ann@AnnLouden.com.