We often talk about the elusiveness of finding happiness. Ask a friend what makes them happy, and they say it’s where they live, the job they hold, or the accomplishments they’ve achieved.

Ask them what they can do to stay happy, and the stakes get higher. We can’t be sure we will always live in a place that suits us. We don’t know that we will always derive the same pleasure from work or that our jobs will continue to challenge us. We are grateful for our hard-won achievements, but that won’t always keep us happy.

So what does guarantee happiness in the future? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not tied to wealth, gadgets or entertainment. It’s not a convenience or an accessory.

What’s required is an action, a behavior, a commitment that if adopted can guarantee happiness both now and into the future. As with every good thing, there are disclaimers.

 Here are three:

• It requires effort.
• It succeeds only with discipline.
• It takes discernment.

The definitive finding on happiness is this: Our relationships are the most important factor in happiness, AND how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. The impact is enormous! The people who were most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.

WHAT HUMANS GAIN FROM CONNECTION IN RELATIONSHIPS

People who conscientiously build a variety of strong relationships – romantic, professional, family, friend, neighbor – are creating a broad network of support. But even more than the number of connections, what matters most is the quality of those relationships.

Here’s what close, dependable relationships give us:

• A sympathetic, listening ear – for times of struggle, in hours of uncertainty, at moments when another perspective could be so helpful.
• Advice and solutions – regarding decisions, direction, an objective analysis on situations which overwhelm, confuse, or require the experience and wisdom of others.
• Introductions to resources – the ripple effect of gaining access to friends of friends enhances your ability to face challenges, access information, and learn something new.
• Opportunities to see things differently – the best relationships not only hold a mirror up to let us see ourselves as others do, they also help us understand there are equally beneficial ways of thinking besides our own.
• Courage to take steps we might resist otherwise – good relationships show us role models who let us see past ourselves in order to aspire to a bigger goal.

Oprah Winfrey says it like this: “Surround yourself only with people who will lift you higher.”

WHY WE NEED OTHERS TO THRIVE

 Renowned psychologist and author Dr. Brene Brown elevates the value of connections by explaining they show us the way: “Connection is why we’re here. It what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”

Eureka! That’s it. Happiness comes from the connections we develop that help us feel purposeful. We require feedback, evaluation, conversation, and advice in order to achieve.

And yes, as I said before, it takes effort to build and nurture relationships. It takes discipline to keep people close to you. And it takes discernment to figure out who should matter to you.

Here’s to the amazing potential of always being happy – in good times and bad – when we say yes to valuing, seeking, and sustaining relationships. Please write to me at ann@annlouden.com and tell me how you make and keep connections.