Does the thought of dating strike terror in your heart? Would you believe that you and Beyonce have something in common?!

The winner of 28 Grammy awards, a Super Bowl halftime performer, and a career artist with sellout shows around the globe, Beyonce is the epitome of a superstar. No one who has witnessed her high voltage singing and dancing can imagine Beyonce ever experienced a moment of doubt. While it’s true that she got comfortable singing at a very young age (her first group was “Girl’s Tyme” when she was eight years old), Beyonce has always had to psych herself up before performing.

What unique approach has she employed to get past her fear? Enter “Sasha Fierce”!

To give her more confidence onstage, Beyonce created an alter ego for herself. The title of her third studio album “I am…Sasha Fierce” pays tribute to the importance of this persona.

In an interview, Oprah Winfrey asked Beyonce how Sasha Fierce shows up. “Once I hear the crowd, put on my stage clothes, and slip my feet into my stilettos, I become that character I created,” explains Beyonce. “My posture, the way I speak, everything is different.”

“How so?” asked Oprah.  “I wouldn’t wear my bodysuit in public!” Beyonce laughs.

When does Sasha Fierce give Beyonce courage?

“Every time I am nervous, whenever I have to do something difficult,” explained Beyonce. “I am no different from anyone else. We all have that thing that’s hard for us when we need to feel brave.”

Six ways to develop confidence in dating

Although it’s unlikely that any of us will have the pressure of performing in front of thousands of people, we each have many challenges in our lives that cause us to be afraid.  And dating just might be one of them.

The fear of getting back into the dating scene is universal, especially later in life. Whether never married, or newly single through divorce or widowhood, each of us who decides to take the plunge does so with trepidation. As a dating coach, I often hear: “I am just too out of practice to know where to begin. I would just rather not date at all. “

I encourage you not to say no to any opportunity to create immense joy in your life.

Here are six ways to boost your dating self-esteem:

1. Set small goals. Take baby steps. Go out with one or two people for coffee. Join a one single dating site. Tell a few friends you are interested in meeting new people.

2. Practice assertiveness. Express your thoughts, ideas, and feelings clearly. Create your own Sasha Fierce alter ego, put her in charge, and give her free rein!

3. Check your body language. Do you make eye contact when you talk? Do you smile? Do you appear happy to meet new people? How you show up speaks volumes about your confidence.

4. Identify a dating wardrobe. Pull out the clothes in your closet that make you feel fabulous. Then put on a style show for close family or friends. (My daughter was always my most merciless critic!) 

5. Keep track of your progress. Write down the compliments you receive from others. Journal about your meetings with new people and what went well. Celebrate everything that feels like a win!

6. Limit comparisons to others. None of us will have the same dating journeys. While it’s fun to compare stories, don’t get discouraged. Everyone’s experiences will and do vary.

What’s Tina Turner got to do with it?!

Building self-confidence – to approach any challenge in life — was familiar to Tina Turner. An inspiring example of not letting hard knocks take her down, Tina Turner attributed resilience to self-love. “You must love and care for yourself because that’s when the best comes out”.

And how does self-love relate to confidence? Confident people know their worth.  

As you approach dating in the second chapter of life, believe in yourself. Believe in your own self-worth. Know that you deserve happiness. Then go out and get it!

I would love to hear what’s holding you back so I can help. Write to me today at Kate@KateSomerset.com.