If you’re confused about what makes a man a great catch, it’s likely not what you think of first: unstoppable good looks, fantastic job, style, glamour, and a dazzling smile. Sure, those things really mattered when we were dating “back in the day”. But now in mid-life or after, we are searching for qualities that are less flashy and stand the test of time.

As a relationship coach, I advise clients to look for signs the person they are dating has goodness that shows up when no one is watching — like walking a rogue shopping cart back to its corral in 100-degree heat with no audience to applaud you. Returning the shopping cart is the unsung symphony of decency: no reward, no punishment, just the faint whisper of your better self saying, “You know what’s right.”

If someone returns their shopping cart, there’s a decent chance they’ll also return your texts. If they hold the door without expecting a thank-you parade, maybe they’ll also hold space for your bad days. You want someone whose goodness shows up in quiet ways, because that kind of character doesn’t just impress on dates, it holds steady in relationships.

Five Subtle Indicators A Person is Genuinely Good

It’s not always clear, especially at first, how people behave in all situations. Here’s a helpful list to run through if you find yourself questioning your date’s sincerity and values.

• They do the right thing even when it’s inconvenient.

The shopping cart is example #1. But there are many others. Holding the door for the person who is a full sprint away. Wiping down the gym equipment. Reparking the car to make sure it’s not encroaching on the space next to it. 

• They are selflessly and anonymously kind.

Being a generous and thoughtful tipper. Leaving a positive review after great service. Letting someone merge in traffic without aggressively speeding up. 

• They can admit weakness and apologize.

Holding themselves accountable for their actions. Letting go of ego for the sake of what’s right. Authentically owning up to a mistake. Not being defensive when they don’t know something. 

• They are thoughtful when they don’t have to be.

Being interested in people they have authority over. Treating people well who cannot do anything for them. Picking up the pen the stranger dropped and handing it back. Complimenting the person who is not in the room. 

• They notice..and act.

Bringing in the neighbor’s trash bins when they sit out all day. Helping someone carry a stroller up the subway steps without being asked. Checking on a friend who posted something vaguely sad two days ago.

The Surprisingly Romantic Case for Paying Attention to the Small Stuff

Small acts of kindness disclose big things about someone’s character. Quiet integrity can be a strong and original lens for evaluating potential partners.

Each act of kindness says: This is someone who doesn’t just act right, he is right—even when there’s no social reward. And in dating, that’s the stuff real trust is built on. Tiny clues tell you he’s a keeper.

So if you’re wondering whether the guy who just made you laugh over cocktails is worth a second date, don’t just ask how he treats you—ask how he treats the world when no one’s looking. These aren’t grand romantic gestures, they’re the quiet signals of character—the kind that don’t fade when the butterflies do. Because in the long run, the best kind of partner isn’t the one who performs goodness, but the one who lives it—cart corral and all.

What do carts and character have to do with compatibility?

In dating, you are making choices about who you can get along with. You are evaluating chemistry, likeability, shared interests, and yes, quiet unsung behaviors. And when it comes to everyday gestures, they are a litmus test of who’s worth spending time with and investing in.

So next time you see someone steering a wobbly-wheeled cart across a pothole-laced parking lot like it’s a sacred pilgrimage, know this: good men return the cart.

Let me know what acts of kindness have attracted you to the men you date by writing me at Kate@KateSomerset.com. I hope you find your Prince Charming!