A good friend of mine died last week. John was larger-than-life and a real character. I can close my eyes and see his smile and hear his laughter. Although the end of his life wasn’t unexpected – he valiantly struggled with brain cancer for more than a dozen years – I was still taken aback by the news.

After reading the obituary written by the oldest of John’s three sons, I felt as if I had been given a gift. What John’s son so successfully achieved was connecting who John was in life to how he would want to be remembered in death.

Both hilarious and heartfelt, this declaration of life was in places irreverent and poignant, but never just a recitation of facts.  I am struck by how eloquently the obituary captured my friend’s personality and his values – resilience, humor, generosity and grit. And I was comforted.

Excerpts from the Obituary of My Friend John

Take this example: “He fought a 12-plus-year heavyweight fight with cancer in the face of stark odds, enduring three bouts of tumors and excisions. In the end, the cancer decided it would better off taking them both from this world than going another round with John.”

Or this: “Whether you knew him or not, John was the funniest man in any room, a fantastic storyteller, a voracious reader, an inspiring public speaker, and an independent thinker with a world-renowned effervescent, infectious giggle.”

Or this: “He loved life to the fullest and believed in taking everyone around him along for that ride, making friends from coast to coast and around the world in Europe, Asia, and Africa. His capacity for fun will be so greatly missed and envied by all those who knew him.”

Or this: “Nothing brought him more happiness than helping someone thrive who was in need of direction.”

Through wit, candor, and a wink to the quirks that made John unforgettable, these declarations about John’s life are a legacy statement: “This is who he was and what he stood for.”

Connecting the Words We Write with the Values They Lived

Whether you are writing your own or a tribute to someone else, the penning of an obituary or the selection of an epitaph is an opportunity to ensure the story doesn’t end.  Humor is a unique way to bring heart and authenticity to what otherwise may feel heavy and difficult.

Here are some uniquely clever ideas from people who are thinking ahead about how they want to be thought of when they die. Illustrating the power of personality, each one is memorable.

• “He died doing what he loved: misreading expiration dates.”
• “She left this world with unfinished laundry, unopened wine, and more opinions than anyone asked for.”
• “He died as he lived: slightly behind schedule but worth the wait.”
• “She wanted to be cremated and scattered in Target’s seasonal section. Her family compromised with the garden center.”
• “I can honestly say I will be leaving this life with no regrets. Except for that one haircut in 1987.”
• “She made us laugh, made us think, and made a mean lasagna. Not necessarily in that order.”
• “He hated kale, yardwork, and small talk—but loved dogs, coffee, and raising hell.”
• “Let this be a reminder to back up your files. Seriously.”
• “If you miss me, just tell a good story. Bonus points if it embarrasses me.”

Humor, even in death, is a powerful form of connection. It reminds us that the person we lost had a voice, a spark, and something to say. A witty epitaph or a well-timed joke in an obituary can offer comfort, break tension, and reflect a life lived with authenticity. Far from being disrespectful or making light of death, humor can be an act of intimacy—a final inside joke shared with those left behind. It tells us: They were real. They were human. And they’re still with us, in spirit and in laughter.

Writing About Your Own Life

I encourage you to consider writing your own obituary. Think of what makes you laugh, a guilty pleasure, a pet peeve, what values you live by, and what you most love. Remember that done right, the way we say goodbye can be just as meaningful as how we live.

Our obituary can be the best last connection between who we were and who we loved. Write to me and tell me if you’re thinking about how to tell your own story. I would love to hear more at Ann@AnnLouden.com.