Even before one year ends and the next begins, we are besieged with messages about making New Year’s resolutions. You’ve seen them all:

“You can learn a new habit in 21 days!”

“Make a list and stick to it.”

“It’s important to set goals for yourself.”

“Good habits are as easy to cultivate as bad habits!”

It’s frankly exhausting.

Over time, I’ve learned not to feel guilty about skipping the whole New Year’s resolution “thing”. Yes, I agree that it is refreshing to begin a new year, and interesting to take stock of the old one. I recall not just the experiences I have had, but analyze what they taught me.

For 2025, here are three life lessons that continually had relevance for me.

• Visualizing really does work.

Imagining what I wanted to make happen set me on a path to getting there. Then acting on my imagination moved me towards the result I envisioned.

• Spending time with those who share your values.

Last year in particular, I gravitated to being with people who care about what I care about. It made life more enjoyable to share the ups and downs with similarly minded people.

• Affirming that being a connector has value. I’ve always known that committing to relationship-building makes me a better person and benefits me as well as those I connect with. Each time I made a new connection or invested in a continuing relationship last year, I reaped benefits many times over.

Why making effective connections depends on you

Just like visualizing helps you make things happen, transforming everyday interactions into meaningful connections will too. It takes three things to be an effective connector:

• An attitude shift: You must believe that every connection you make – whether casual or planned – has the potential to positively alter your day and your life. 

• A decision to prioritize being a connector: Once you’ve adopted the mindset that connections matter, you must make time to BE a connector. As Gretchen Rubin says, it’s the doing every day, not just on occasion, that makes the difference. Once you are accustomed to connecting, a connection mindset becomes part of your personality.  

• A commitment to getting better at connection skills: Once you’ve decided to be a connector, it’s time to assess how good you are at the following:

• Being curious about the stories of others
• Leading with questions
• Listening to absorb what you are hearing
• Caring about the answers
• Remembering or making note of what you learn

How good are you at these skills? Do they come naturally? Does this type of investment of time and energy appeal to you? Answering honestly is the first step to understanding how to be an effective connector.

How to simplify being a connector

You’ve decided it’s worth the effort to invest in being a connector. How do you get started?

In their new book The Seismic Shift in You: The Seven Necessary Shifts to Create Connection and Drive Results, Marshall Goldsmith and Dr. Michelle K. Johnston emphasize that the most critical factor to workplace connection is the leader. They recommend two steps for leaders – and us — to commit to connection:

• Identify who and what is important to you in work and life,
• Make changes to ensure that those things – and most importantly, those people – are squarely in your focus.

The assumption that Goldsmith and Johnston make is that many of us do not clarify what’s most important in our lives. The clutter prevents us from being impactful and effective connectors because we have not asked ourselves the hard question of what matters most.

This approach requires a bit of soul-searching. As you do so, you narrow your “connection obligation” from the universe to those you distinctly care about. That winnowing not only makes you more productive, it allows you to have better connection results.

I challenge you this year to think about who in your life deserves your time, attention, and focus. They should become the recipients of your connection skills and energy.

Make this change and let me know how it goes. Write to me at AnnLoudenCo@gmail.com.