Technology is supposed to make our lives easier.  That has not been my experience.   As soon as I got a computer, it started misbehaving.  Admittedly, some issues were my fault. (Like when I forgot to save my almost finished revision of a script I was hired to fix, causing a major redo.) That experience made me an “over saver”—same doc with different names in different places, making things hard to find.  (Again, my fault.)

To me, a computer is a pencil with a file cabinet.  I don’t care how or why it works—I just want it to work.  Technological folk treat computer issues like brain teasers–which they solve. Unlike me, I doubt they’ve had IT experts helpfully tell them–“it’s not supposed to do that”.

In this “not supposed to” category, my computer has made text and background the same color and prevented any color changes until I hired an IT guy at $125 per hour.  When he remotely accessed my computer, the problem magically disappeared. (Unlike the problem, $125 fee remained.) My computer has frozen and refused to turn on or off—usually when I’m on deadline.  My printer sometimes just stops printing, insisting that the properly installed ink cartridges are “missing”.  I could go on.

The other day, I took my Mac laptop to the Apple “Genius” Bar as my Microsoft Outlook wouldn’t let me move emails to folders. Finally, after a 1.5 hour wait, I was assigned a “Genius” who began by doing Mac maintenance to improve overall performance.  Then, instead of getting to work on the issue, he began sharing his computer wisdom.  I interrupted his monologue, saying “I’m so excited to see you fix this!” Thankfully, he then opened my email and so maybe this computer adventure could come to a successful end.




Everything seemed okay–at first.  But when he began moving emails to different folders, the emails disappeared.  Completely disappeared or so it seemed as he got more agitated by the minute as he tried to unsuccessfully find them.  He suggested I go get some water. Meanwhile, he grabbed a couple of wandering Geniuses to help.

When I returned, the wandering Geniuses were gone and my original Genius gave me the update, “Microsoft doesn’t always work on Macs, and we aren’t Microsoft experts so we can’t fix this.  Why don’t you use Gmail?”  I explained my website/email was from Go-Daddy which only worked with Microsoft. His parting words were that maybe I should “contact Go-Daddy”.

The recent Artemis moon mission had Microsoft computer problems.  The commander told Mission Control “I have 2 Microsoft Outlooks and neither one of them is working.” But this got fixed.  From then on, all technology performed perfectly, safely returning the astronauts to earth.

Last night as I got ready for bed, I brushed my teeth and then positioned my electronic water flosser in my mouth and turned it on.  Nothing happened.  Trying to figure out why, I turned the unit so I could read the operational panel, and it promptly began working, spraying the bathroom wall and me in the face.   I rest my case.

PS:​ My brother (who is an engineer) can’t understand why I will never get into a driverless car.