I Got the Last One

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I Got the Last One

I don’t eat a lot of sweets or junk food. Really. I try to eat healthy. I love fresh vegetables (except Brussels sprouts).  I’ll generally buy hormone-free meats, and when I do check a carton of eggs before they end up in my shopping cart, I look for large (but not jumbo) Omega-3, brown eggs laid by happy chickens who reside in the same time zone.

I keep a small container of shelled walnuts in my cupboard for when I feel the urge to snack, but, I confess, sometimes I just want something – something sweet – hell something chocolate, and there’s no substitute.

The other day I was fighting such a craving.

My first strategy was to find some nuts. After getting past the child-proof clear plastic lidded container (Why does opening food packaging have to be so hard?), I nibbled some walnuts. This did not satisfy me.

Then I scoured my cupboards and storage bins for trail mix or the kind of semi-sweet biscuits I might serve with a St. Andre or triple cream cheese, but I couldn’t rustle up any type of sweet cracker either.

I thought about making toast and sampling some homemade jams a few of my friends gifted me, the creations of their passion for canning, but I didn’t even get around to plugging in the toaster. Really, I wanted chocolate. Plum ambrosia was just not going to cut it.

I was almost ready to go to the closest Starbucks for a cakey chocolate breakfast muffin when I remembered John came home from work a few days earlier with a half box of Two-Bite® brownies from Trader Joe’s. There must have been some sort of celebration where he worked and he came home with a modest care package of remnants.

Sure enough, I found the clear, half-a-hatbox sized container on the small granite-topped table near the refrigerator. There was one little brownie left along with a few brown crumbs dusting the bottom of the package. They’d been in my house a few days now. I studied the expiration date and list of ingredients on the over-sized label.

A moment of guilt passed through me as I separated the lid from the bottom of the container and tested the two-bite brownie for edibility. I squeezed it between my thumb and forefinger and still found a little springiness. Two bites later, I rinsed out the container and threw the evidence in the recycling bin.

My chocolate craving was satisfied, and I felt positively gleeful. I couldn’t believe I was so happy about eating a slightly stale thimbleful of sugar and cocoa.

Ha, I got the last one. That was it. I was so happy I almost danced around my kitchen.

In my early twenties, I remember fuming quietly to myself when my roommate or her boyfriend consumed the last beer in the fridge. I was too much of a pleaser back then to tell them that if I bought beer, I expected one to be around when I wanted it.

I never argued when I saw a promissory note from them announcing that our beer supply would be re-stocked after their next grocery trip, but I just let my disappointment fester inside.

Sometimes you just want something when you want it. Maybe you want a special kind of tool in the middle of a project or a crisp twenty when an unanticipated social plan comes together quickly.

Getting something you want when you want it is a small glimpse of heaven for me; an actual situation when you can see your needs fulfilled without having to do something first. It feels like a sign that what you want is already available.

Consuming the last of anything is special. It makes me feel chosen. Lucky. Blessed.

Taking the last bite of a two-bite brownie is no small thing.

Deborah Hawkins © reprinted with permissions


  • Deborah Hawkins

    Deborah Hawkins has been blogging on gratitude and mindfulness for over a decade, posting over 500 essays. In December of 2019, she brought out two books, The Best of No Small Thing — Mindful Meditations, a collection of favorite blogs, and Practice Gratitude: Transform Your Life — Making the Uplifting Experience of Gratitude Intentional, a workbook on her process. Through her books, classes, and coaching, she teaches people how to identify things to be grateful for in everyday experiences. New blogs are posted every week. Visit her website: https://nosmallthing.net. Follow her on SM. https://www.facebook.com/NoSmallThingMindfulMeditations, https://www.instagram.com/nosmallthingdeborahh/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborah-hawkins-08958012/

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