I love Autumn – the crisp air, cool mornings and warm afternoons. For me, this time of year brings an air of expectations. (I know, it’s a bit of still living on an academic calendar.) The other day, though, I recalled a quote from Anne Lamott, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” And began to take a closer look at expectations.

I wondered if this was true. I also wondered if there was a difference in expectations I have for myself, expectations I have of services and devices and expectations I have of others. This began to make more sense. While I occasionally resent train delays and rerouting, I find these easy to shake off quickly. They’re part of urban living.

I think that expectations I have of myself are most often somehow related to “shoulda-coulda-woulda.”  Are these a way for us to beat up ourselves or is there a deeper issue here? Clearly, these require some self-work. Sometimes, these expectations relate to inaccurate estimates of how long it will take to complete a task. Sometimes, false comparisons are the culprit. I stop and ask Byron Katie’s question, “Is that true?” to get clarity and more often than not realize that I’ve made false assumptions.

When I started to think about expectations I hold of others, I found another quote that set me on a different path. Neil Strauss said, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” He clarified this by explaining that we sometimes expect others to somehow know what you want or need. The failure to communicate our wants and needs, we may experience disappointment and anger.

So, I realize that expectations must be examined – even those we hold for ourselves. Moving forward, I realize that there are some difficult conversations in my future. They will help me to either restructure relationships or more easily recognize that our lives have changed and it’s time to let go. They will also let me walk away with lovely memories instead of resentment.

Right now, I will let go of my expectation of glorious Fall foliage (the droughts and rain will prevent most trees from displaying brightly hued leaves) and be content with enjoying the gloriously crisp weather and the joy of apple cider appearing in the Greenmarket.