Creating your dating brand, Part Two

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In October’s column, I shared the first part of what it means to differentiate yourself.  Why is this important? Because every one of us is unique. And every one of us wants to present our best self in the world of dating.

Once you know “the story of you”, the puzzle is solved of how to describe yourself to the world…and to potential dates.

Why Do I Need a Dating “Brand”?

Ever heard of an elevator speech? It’s what you would say about yourself in the brief time you have on an elevator ride. Short. Concise. Interesting. Compelling.

During the time of Covid, we don’t much talk on elevators anymore. But we still need an elevator speech. Because now more than ever, we need to know how to define ourselves.

In dating, our brand says who we are and what we are about. And that’s the hook that makes us interesting to potential suitors.

Dates may ask: “What do you do?” or “What do you like to do?” But what they really want to know is: “How did you become who you are?”

Four Components Of Our Brand

Once we break the concept of a brand into manageable bites, figuring out our brand is easier.

First, you need a description. From last month’s column, that’s what you do, where you live, and who you spend time with. We are ALL vastly different in each of those categories.

Secondly, let’s evaluate what makes you competitive. Think of the dating world as a marketplace. Those who have entered it are looking for something and someone. Potential dates may not know exactly what they are seeking.

But they likely know what they are not seeking.

For example, if you own a business selling athletic running gear, your choice of profession might be vastly appealing to entrepreneurs interested in fitness. But it might be unappealing to those who can’t relate to your work schedule, the business risk, or your avocation.

Third, brands require the identification of a stated benefit for the user or purchaser. With a product, that’s easy to identify. This car brand gets better gas mileage. That rug has a ten-year guarantee. This type of shoe provides the greatest comfort.

So how does identifying a stated benefit translate to people?

Think of your stated benefit as your values. What you believe in and are passionate about is why dating you is a benefit. People want to be around others who believe what they believe.

In my case, I have been active in the world of nonprofits, raising money for causes I care about.  Several of the men I have dated readily identified with my line of work and appreciated that I had played a role as an advocate for cancer awareness. That made me attractive to them.

Two of the men I describe in my Mom…You Just Need to Get Laidbook received a prostate cancer diagnosis. In each case, I was more than happy to find medical resources and introduce them to other men who might be helpful. In fact, one man I dated (who doesn’t have a chapter in this first edition of my book) consented to talk to the two men who did have cancer. Now that’s a good friend! (If I write a sequel to the book, I am including a chapter about him!)

You too have attributes and a value system which sets you apart. Think about what you believe in as part of what differentiates you.

Finally, all brands have a visual element. For products, that’s likely a logo, packaging, and a color scheme. For people, it’s how we present ourselves in person and in photographs. Especially for online daters, the photos we use in a dating profile tell the story of our brand.

“The Story of You” As Your Brand

So now you have some homework to do to create a framework for your brand. Begin by describing yourself in terms of what you do, where you live, and who you spend time with.

Next, think about what makes you competitive (read: unique). It’s less daunting if you reflect on the details of what you do as being different (even slightly) from what others do.

Then write down three deeply held values. Examples could be commitment to family, your appreciation for travel (when Covid allows!), or your belief in volunteering.

Now, you are ¾ of the way to developing the “story of you” and your brand. Next month I’ll make suggestions about how to create a fun and interesting visual element for your brand.

Until then, write to me at with any questions or thoughts. Here’s to your exciting new dating brand!

Kate’s book, Mom….You Just Need to Get Laid is now available as an audiobook. Listen in to snippet below.


  • Kate Somerset

    Kate Somerset is an author pen name for the book “Mom…You Just Need to Get Laid: The Adventures of Dating After Divorce”. Following a divorce after 24 years of marriage, and thirty years of being deeply rooted in professional and volunteer roles in Texas, Kate took a chance on a new life in New York City. She immediately fell in love with Manhattan and the many opportunities it offers. Kate’s book about 15 true dating experiences in New York City is an honest, humorous, and inspirational look on how to give yourself and romance a second chance. One of the most universal struggles faced by all of us – building effective social connections – is the focus of Kate’s monthly column for The Three Tomatoes. Published by Brooklyn Writer’s Press, the book and Ebook are available on Amazon. An audiobook produced by The Three Tomatoes is on Amazon and Audible. Learn more about Kate at

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