Authentic Connectors Make Others Feel Noticed
When you hear the expression: “He/she is are a natural at connecting with people”, what do you think of? There can be multiple meanings:
- That person has a lot of friends
- They talk easily to strangers
- They make themselves accessible
- They are extroverts
- They enjoy putting people together who don’t know each other
- They aren’t afraid of walking into a large gathering alone
All of these interpretations are descriptors of natural connectors. And yet, there is something missing – the list of connector attributes doesn’t fully explain why people earn the compliment of natural connector. The real reason: natural connectors value the act of connection.
Inherent in that value is the belief that to truly connect, you must make every person feel important and appreciated. How? By making them feel noticed.
The Power and Urgency of Noticing
In the May 29th issue of Harvard Business Review, author Zach Mercurio analyzes the January 2025 Gallup employee engagement poll showing that 7 in 10 people feel disengaged at work. And more than 60% of those who feel disconnected say it’s because no one at work cares for them as a person.
“It’s hard for people to care,” Mercurio says”, if they don’t first feel cared for.” The leaders who demonstrate they are interested in their employees as people build loyalty. And loyalty drives connection and productivity.
The need has never been greater for an investment in work and personal relationships. Particularly today, when workplaces have become politicized, and employees doubt leaders have their best interests at heart, a lack of trust creates a transactional and unhappy culture.
Emotion is the driver of whether or not people feel noticed.
Recall what it feels like when you get noticed. You likely have a physical reaction – maybe a lump of excitement in your throat – when you receive positive attention. The way you got noticed creates a lasting good impression of the person who noticed you because they made you feel you matter.
When we notice and remember details about another, we demonstrate interest and respect. When a person is noticed, they feel a sense of pride — universal to all of us – of being acknowledged.
Seven Ways to Demonstrate You Notice
Whether in personal or work connections, noticing people as individuals can be as easy as shifting your thinking and the way you show up. Here are seven tips to make people feel seen.
- Slow down! Being in a hurry is the biggest barrier to noticing. Running on fumes is the enemy of noticing anything but your busy schedule. To really notice, you must get off autopilot.
- Focus on paying attention. When our attention spans shrink, so does our ability to focus on what we want to notice. Put your energy towards being present with one person at a time.
- Demonstrate interest with body language. Make eye contact, smile, lean in. Let your body show you are invested in the conversation.
- Start now with already scheduled meetings to enhance relationships. It’s not necessary to add more to your schedule in order to notice others. Use built-in opportunities that already exist to pay attention to how people are doing, vs. just what they are doing.
- Choose language which indicates you noticed and remembered. Write down what you observe and then share it with the person you noticed.
- “I saw that you…”
- ”I wrote down what you said…”
- “I remembered that you…”
- When you interact, make it personal, not just transactional. Ask what’s challenging for them. You don’t have to come up with a solution; you just make sure they are heard.
- Pay a compliment, ask a question, share a story. What you say with sincerity is what will stick. Think about what the person you are talking to needs from you. Simple gestures resonate.
Incorporating these practices can significantly enhance how others feel in your presence. I would love to hear your strategies for making people feel noticed at Ann@AnnLouden.com. You too will be a natural connector!
A seasoned executive in the nonprofit world, Ann Louden is the founder and CEO of Ann Louden Strategy and Consulting. Recognized for her expertise in fund raising, high profile special events, and campaign planning, Ann provides counsel to chief executives, staff, and volunteer leadership.
Ann’s primary interest areas are education, health care for women and children, the arts, and adoption. As a cancer survivor, she led and was the twelve-year spokesperson for a breast cancer advocacy initiative that engaged thousands of survivors, volunteers and medical providers. With a mantra of bringing big ideas to life, Ann focuses on identifying a compelling vision and creating a goals-oriented plan for execution.
An in-demand national speaker for the Council for Advancement and Support of Education, Ann is the recipient of the Steuben Excellence in Teaching Award and has been named as a CASE Laureate. She is the author of the upcoming book: From Social Courage to Connection: Lessons from Leaders Who Change and Save Lives.
You can find her at www.AnnLouden.com.
