In the song “What was I made for” co-written for the Barbie movie theme by singer Billie Eilish and her brother Finneas O’Connell, the lyrics focus on a journey of self-discovery. When the movie’s director Greta Gerwig approached the pair to commission a theme song for the movie, Eilish confesses that she and Finneas were at a creative low.

“We wrote it in during a period of time when we couldn’t have been less inspired and less creative. We asked ourselves why we were even doing this. We had a serious case of writer’s block. And then those first chords happened…and the song just wrote it itself in two hours.”

What inspired them?

At first, the pair were thinking solely of the character of Barbie and how she must be feeling. But after hearing the song once it was written, Eilish realized that she had composed a piece about her own life, not Barbie’s. “Every single lyric is exactly how I feel. I wanted the world to change around me, as I’m trying to keep these old versions of myself safe.”

When we consider the possibility of dating, we must let the old safe versions of ourselves go.

• The formerly Married Me.
• The struggled to be Divorced Me.
• The I am not good enough Me.
• The I’ll settle for a warm body Me.
• The I guess he’s okay Me.
• The there’s nobody out there Me.

Can you visualize yourself dating?

Dating later in life isn’t easy. If it was, no one would approach it with fear and anxiety.

And yet, how much of that worry is associated with mindset? How much do we convince ourselves we don’t have what it takes to date again without any real evidence?

The first step is visualizing yourself on a date. Imagine the conversation you’ll have when you first connect with someone. Think of how you’ll prepare for the date. Picture an ideal setting where you’ll connect. Consider how the date might go.

Then stop! Don’t visualize beyond that moment.

Here’s why:

Let things evolve. Don’t write the song before you have all the lyrics.

What we can and should expect from our dating experiences

In my dating coaching practice, I talk often about having a dating agenda. That doesn’t mean having an outline in our heads about the precise way our dates will evolve by hour, minute, and second.

Rather it means giving real consideration to what we hope to get out of dating in general:

• Friendship?
• Fun?
• Companionship?
• Adventure?
• Romance?

When I began my dating journey after 24 years of marriage, I wanted one thing: to build a sense of community. I was new to New York City and new to being single, and I hoped that dating would give me roots in my new home. Did it? Yes! And everything else was gravy.

What is the minimum you should you expect from your dating experiences?

• The chance to get to know new people. For this to be of value, it helps to be a curious person. Explore what makes the dates you meet tick. If there is a commonality between the two of you, great. But if there isn’t, there is still a grand opportunity to learn about someone else and how they approach life. Everyone has a story.
• The opportunity to become a better conversationalist. Let’s face it. Dating requires the ability to be conversational. After all, you are telling others about yourself in a way that you hope is compelling. What you decide to share (and what you decide to leave out) is up to you. But how well you share goes a long way to being an interesting person.
• The room to learn more about yourself. In the song “What Was I Made For”, Eilish writes: “I don’t know how to feel, but someday I might. Think I forgot to be happy. Something I’m not. But something I can be.” Dating will help you see what you can be: what emotions you are capable of experiencing, what road map you’d like to follow for your future, what insights you glean about yourself, and what YOU are made for.

I would love to hear if you liked the Barbie movie theme song and how the lyrics are relevant to your life. Share your thoughts and ideas with me at Kate@KateSomerset.com.