I have never thought of myself as a perfectionist – just more of a control freak. As I look around my house now, it is far from photo ready, but it is comfortable for me. But this quote from John Steinbeck – “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good” – got me thinking.

When I was a child, my mother suffered from severe anxiety. I felt it was my responsibility to keep things under control so as not to trigger her. “You’re perfect,” she would tell me. And so, I knew I had to keep up that mantle so as not to upset her. It is not something I would recommend to anyone, and I am quite sure it was not her intention to put that expectation on me. It took me quite a few decades to break from the people pleasing and come to respect my own needs. I learned that it was okay to be “good enough”.

Until I went back to school…

I’m taking a trip to Italy in the fall, a place I’ve never been. Especially because I am traveling by myself, I decided I needed to learn the language, and so I enrolled in a continuing education course at the local high school. There was something very humbling about walking into a public high school classroom and sitting in those desks. Oh, the flood of memories… But more than that, I actually was terrified. I was afraid the teacher would call on me and I would sound ridiculous or not know the answer. How old am I??? And how did I get through school?

I have great admiration and respect for how life continues to give you opportunities to learn and grow, if you let it. This seemingly innocuous Adult Ed class taught me more about myself than the about the Italian language. I saw how I put off doing things I don’t want to do until the last minute (homework). I saw how being prepared is good for my anxiety level. I saw my old pattern of wanting to be best in the class (OK, I’m competitive too…). And I learned how much trying to be perfect gets in the way of learning and growing.

My daughter made a social media post recently that really caught my attention. She is a coach and trainer, helping post-partum mothers, and she showed a serious of pictures of herself from a year ago, focusing on body parts that she was not happy about. And then she zoomed out, showing the same pictures, but the focus now is on what she is doing: playing happily with her son. Her caption: Imagine the brainwashing it took to see this…instead of this. I get it!

I am choosing today to look at how fortunate I am to be able to go to this artist’s residency in Italy this fall to write – another gift for which I am grateful – instead of focusing on how badly I did in the Italian language class. I am allowing myself not to be perfect, but instead to be grateful and good (enough).

Arrivederci e grazie!