As many of us have, I’ve been reflecting on the significance of Dolly Parton’s life and her vast body of work which defined the vocabulary, style, and identity of modern country music.  She wrote more than 3,000 songs, many about relationships. The lyrics of those songs are timeless and universally relevant to everyone who hears them. Her songs about kissing conjured up a memory for me.

“Old Flames” and A First Kiss

In a recent password reset, I was given a choice of security questions to select. From the extensive dropdown menu, I surprised myself by choosing “Name the first person you kissed”. Answering the question took me back to a chilly November evening decades ago.

I was a freshman in high school and an inexperienced dater. On that Friday night, I was at home with no plans. I had resigned myself to an evening of popcorn and movie-watching with my younger sister.

Then, unexpectedly, at about 6:30 PM, the phone rang.  The call was for me.

The Set-Up

“I need to take a ride to the airport to mail a package. Wanna go?” asked Jimmy, the boy I had a secret crush on.

There was a 24-hour Fed Ex drop box at the airport in Memphis where Fed Ex was founded, and where I grew up. Without thinking much about why Jimmy would have an urgent package to send, I jumped at the chance.

Only later did I realize four things:

• Jimmy’s parents asked him to run the errand and loaned him the family car.
• The 45-minute roundtrip drive gave Jimmy enough time to execute his plan.
• My parents let me go because there was an agreed upon time for me to be home.
• Although the Fed Ex parking lot was well lit, the airport’s warehouse section was not!

The Recollection

Recalling that night and that first kiss (which I couldn’t stop thinking about every hour of every day for weeks!) brings back a flood of memories. I remember my heart fluttering when Jimmy pulled me towards him in the darkness of the car’s front seat. I remember the first brush of his lips on mine and how soft and gentle they were. I remember how he moved his head. I remember closing my eyes. I remember his breathing. I remember how I responded.

The Impact Then and Now

To have made such an impression on me that night, Jimmy didn’t figure in my life in a big way. My time with him was short-lived. We had a few dates after that kiss. But we both moved on. I have no idea where Jimmy is today. A google search turns up nothing.

Did I think about Jimmy after our time together had ended? Yes, 100%. Actually, I didn’t think about him as much as I thought about kissing him.

As I began to date more, I realized there was a vast difference in how boys and men kissed me. Boys could be awkward, sloppy or rough. It was rare to find high school or even college men who could pull off romantic, breathtaking, electric kissing. Little did I know Jimmy had been an outlier with his gentle affection and tenderness.

Over time, that first kiss with Jimmy became the benchmark by which all other kisses got measured.

Now, after a long marriage and divorce, I have come to realize that the act of kissing is the gateway to putting a relationship on firm footing.

As I began dating again after my divorce, I evaluated the likelihood of a relationship’s success on the interest I had in kissing and being kissed by that person.  Jimmy gets total credit for setting the bar very high for the competence I came to want from men I kiss.

Dolly Parton said it best in the song “Forever Love” which she wrote in 2016 at age 70, proving that the impact of a good kiss is lifelong.

“You touch me, it’s like no one else ever touched me.

Kiss me and all other kisses just fade.”

To experience and recall a spellbinding kiss is one of life’s great gifts. Dolly knew it and shared it with the world. And I will remember every time I answer that security question.

I would love to hear about the memories of your first kiss or any other that’s memorable to you. Write to me at Kate@KateSomerset.com.Bottom of Form