Finding Light After Loss—Conversations on Healing and Resilience
This powerful conversation from our recent Renewal Summit brought together voices who have faced profound loss and emerged with extraordinary strength. Moderated by Valerie Smaldone, producer and co-founder JustDOGood Entertainment, the panel features Theresa Bruno author of He’s Not Coming Home, Ruthie Chamichian-Smith author Resting Warrior, and Honey Berg author It Won’t Kill You to Talk About Death. Together, they explored how grief can transform into resilience, how connection fosters healing, and how hope can re-enter a life forever changed. Watch the video and below is a summary and key takeaways.
Summary and Key Takeaways
The panel opens with an acknowledgment that grief is not theoretical — it is lived, embodied, and transformative. Valerie Smaldone framed grief as a “brutal portal,” a before-and-after moment that permanently alters identity. She emphasizes that grief is not only about death; it includes the loss of health, career, identity, and even pets. The purpose of the conversation is to validate lived experience, build community, and offer tools for navigating the unimaginable.
Ruth Chamichian‑Smith — Grief Educator & Author of Resting Warrior
Ruthie explains that grief must be witnessed. To be bereaved, she notes, literally means “to be robbed.” She describes grief as a process of identity dissolution and rebirth — like a caterpillar melting into liquid before becoming a butterfly. After losing her husband and business partner, she had to rebuild her identity from scratch. She stresses that grief is deeply individual: “There is no right way to grieve. It’s like a fingerprint.”
She also speaks about anticipatory grief, the long decline of her husband’s health, and the surprising — often guilt‑tinged — feeling of relief that can accompany the end of prolonged suffering.
Honey Berg — Hospice Volunteer & Author of It Won’t Kill You to Talk About Death
Honey shares that her work in hospice revealed how unprepared most families are for death — emotionally, practically, and logistically. She saw firsthand the chaos that comes from not discussing wishes, passwords, life support decisions, or belongings. Her workbook was created to help families have these conversations before crisis hits.
She also shares her own early losses — her grandmother and father six weeks apart — and how resilience was instilled in her by parents who taught her she could do anything she set her mind to.
Theresa Bruno — Author of He’s Not Coming Back
Theresa recounts the sudden, traumatic loss of her husband to suicide during the early days of COVID. She describes the shock, the search for him, and the moment she found him — a moment that shattered her life and her sons’ lives. Her book was born from the need to make meaning out of devastation, and her podcast The Soul Talks grew from the realization that everyone is surviving something.
She emphasizes that grief is lifelong and nonlinear:
“Six years out, I still drop to my knees.”
She speaks about coping for the sake of her children, the anger she felt toward God, and the importance of listening to one’s own needs — whether that means sleeping, crying, or simply surviving the day.
Shared Themes Across the Panel
All three women highlight that grief is universal, deeply personal, and transformative. They stress that:
- Grief is not something to “get over.”
- You must go through it — there is no bypass.
- Identity is reshaped by loss.
- Community, witnessing, and storytelling are essential.
- Practical preparation eases emotional suffering.
- Resilience is built one small step at a time.
Valerie Smaldone closes with a reminder that healing is not about forgetting — it’s about learning to live again, slowly, imperfectly, and with grace.
Key Takeaways
- Grief must be witnessed
People don’t need fixing — they need to be seen, heard, and validated.
- There is no “right way” to grieve
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint. Timelines and expectations are harmful.
- Identity loss is a major part of grief
Losing a partner, parent, or role can dismantle one’s sense of self.
- Anticipatory grief is real — and relief is normal
Long-term caregiving can create exhaustion, guilt, and complex emotions.
- Practical preparation matters
Passwords, wishes, documents, and conversations spare families enormous pain.
- Sudden loss creates trauma layered onto grief
Shock, disbelief, and the body’s alarm system shape the early experience.
- Grief is lifelong and nonlinear
Even years later, a moment, a sentence, or a memory can bring you to your knees.
- Resilience is built, not inherited
Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you — and that person can be yourself.
- You must go through grief, not around it
Avoidance delays healing; small steps forward accumulate over time.
- Meaning-making is part of survival
Books, podcasts, service, creativity, and community help transform pain into purpose.
The tomato behind The Three Tomatoes.
Cheryl Benton, aka the “head tomato” is founder and publisher of The Three Tomatoes, a digital lifestyle magazine for “women who aren’t kids”. Having lived and worked for many years in New York City, the land of size zero twenty-somethings, she was truly starting to feel like an invisible woman. She created The Three Tomatoes just for the fun of it as the antidote for invisibility and sent it to 60 friends. Today she has thousands of friends and is chief cheerleader for smart, savvy women who want to live their lives fully at every age and every stage. She is the author of the novel, "Can You See Us Now?" and co-author of a humorous books of quips, "Martini Wisdom." Because she's lived a long time, her full bio won't fit here. If you want the "blah, blah, blah", read more. www.thethreetomatoes.com/about-the-head-tomato
