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Debbie Zipp
Judith Drake
Jan Bina
A Love Affair at 56
Debbie Zipp

Yes, it’s true.  I’m ashamed to say it but I recently had a love affair.  Sometimes you find love and you just can’t help yourself.  Someone just speaks to you in ways no one else can and you are whisked away. You still deeply love the one you have committed a lifetime to but you find that your heart is so big it can easily handle a new love.  But at what cost??

The new man in my life is called “Muffin”.  A small white and brown spotted dachshund. He stole my heart from the minute I met him.  I was just simply smitten with his large round big brown eyes that dominated his small face, his rolly polley stomach that almost grazed the ground as he walked and tiny short legs that resembled drumsticks.

Our first meeting was completely innocent at my home. I did not go looking for this. My daughter’s co-worker who owned “Muffin” was going out of the country for a couple of months and I was asked if “Muffin” could stay with us for that time.  After some thought we said “yes”.  Our precious doggies, LaVinnia and Petey, would have to adjust.

Well, when my daughter brought Muffin to my house for its stay it was “love at first sight”. Our eyes met and a lightening bolt struck both of us instantly and the chemistry between us was set and was undeniable.  Muffin followed my every move. If I walked he followed. If I sat Muffin had to be in my lap. If I napped he napped as well cuddled on my chest or under my arm. If the door was closed and he wasn’t with me he cried.  He was addicted to me.  I was his drug of choice.  Of course we both knew this wouldn’t last.  And we dreaded that day but we made the most of every moment with each other.

My husband and my son called him “Muffman” or “Sausage McMuffin”, but to me he was my “Little Mister”.  They came to love him as well but even when they tried to hold him or cuddle with him Muffin would find a way to slip away from the arms to me.

But the day came when Muffin had to go home.  It was so hard to let him go, to let go of this brief love affair. He just touched a part of my heart during a tough time that had been dormant.  I just desperately needed what Muffin could give me at that moment.  I looked into his soulful longing deep brown eyes and we knew it would hurt but that we would never forget each other.  Yesterday I had to take him back to his real mother.  Jealously and pain shot through my heart as she took him away.  I cried all the way home.

But then I got home.  LaVinnia and Petey were waiting for me.  They so happy to see me and I’m sure very relieved to see “Muffin” was gone. I did my best to give them the same amount of attention and love they have enjoyed from me for so many years but they knew. As I looked into their sweet adoring faces they seemed to say, “ Do you remember us and what it used to be like?  We’re still here.  Can we go back to normal now?  Do you still love us the same?” That’s when the guilt set in and I realized the consequences of giving in too much to this new love.  No matter how much love my heart has to give, it doesn’t mean that the ones I loved before can handle it or understand. I was physically split too many ways and because of my obsession with “Muffin” my very special loving and loyal dogs suffered.  I felt like I cheated on them in front of them.

I wish they could understand English.  I wish I could tell them that my love for them and my commitment to them is as deep and strong as it always was.

I wish I could explain to my dogs what I had to explain to my daughter when she wondered if I loved her younger brother more than her.  I told her “My heart is big enough to love you both equally as much. But always remember I have loved you longer.”

Even though I miss my “Little Mister” and his magical jump, his mysterious smelly breath and the warmth of his fat tummy I know he is back in the loving home he has known for seven years. I will cherish memories I had with Muffin but I’m back where I belong building more special memories and having a love affair with the two dogs that have always been here for me and are here to stay.  The difference is I was “in love” with Muffin but I deeply “LOVE” LaVinnia and Petey.  My heart will hurt for short time for saying goodbye to “Muffin” but my heart would break and fall apart if I had to say goodbye to LaVinnia and Petey.  I hope they can find it in their heart to forgive this dumb 56 year old woman who needed a fling. Perhaps some extra treats tonight will help.


Debbie Zipp, actress, producer and co-founder of
IN THE TRENCHES PRODUCTIONS.COM , the first entertainment network for Women Over 40 on the Web. ITTP markets to an ignored audience with its original films and a variety of original series that star women over 40 and are solely produced by In The Trenches Productions.

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