June 4, 2009

 

 

One of The Three Tomatoes ongoing peeves with the media, is the way "older women" and we're talking over 40, are portrayed. We're desperately trying to turn back the clock because we are insecure about aging. Or we're cougars. Or we need someone to empower us, redefine us, or reinvent us. Apparently, we're just not happy being us. A recent well-intentioned Newsweek article is a prime example. The article's premise is that many women over 50 are intimated by all the media "cougar" and "Sex in the City" sexy older women images and it's making us feel insecure if our own aging bodies and sexuality don't match up to the celebrities. Well read on and we'll tell you what we think, and more importantly what tomatoes think based on a survey several hundred of you took awhile back. 

 

And there's lots new at our website too this week. The Glam Gals are back with some great advice on the "no no" of panty hose. And we are so excited to tell you about a new ongoing feature at The Three Tomatoes called "The Granny Diaries." And check out 3T.TV this week too. We've added some very funny new videos, including rapper Mim's parody on menopause called "This is why I'm hot. So read on.
 
Do Panty Hose Make You Look Old? 
Our style and image experts, The Glam Gals share their thoughts this week on panty hose, tights, and knee highs. Seems like we've got a lot of throwing out to do. Read on for some terrific tips.
 
The Sandwich Generation 
We all know women, and you may be one of them, who are caring for aging parents or grandparents while trying to keep their own families and busy lives together. Well meet Adrienne Schoenfeld, author of The Granny Diaries which are now featured at The Three Tomatoes.  She describes herself as a mom "who speaks and writes on a group of fearless and incredibly naive women who recognize the importance of caring for our older family but have not found five seconds to read up on the subject..until it's (she's) knocking on our door."

 

Thanks to her dear (dementia clad) mother-in-law Ruth and her  reckless, risk taking (95 year old) electric scooter bound granny, Marnie, The Granny Diaries flows from one hysterical situation to the next- like the prune juice shots Ruth and her posse were slammin' at RED HAT DAY over at Happy Daze Assisted Living.  The Granny Diaries is humorous, real and educational.  You will love her stories of keeping it all together with love and humor.  Like the Red Hat Day story.  We're still laughing.
 
Not sexy over 50?
A recent article in Newsweek asked the question, "Can we have hot sex forever and is it reasonable for women over 50 to expect the same level of sexual satisfaction and drive as a 25 year old?  And is this what women really want? The article then went on to make the case that many women over 50 are intimated by all the media 'cougar" and Sex in the City" sexy older women images which is making them feel insecure if their own aging bodies and sexuality don't match up. The authors' bottom line is "A happy sex life after 50 is still very possible, but you have to make an effort.  But try to block out all the cultural messages that say that if you don't look like you're 20, you're not sexy."
 
So now here's our question?  Who the heck are they talking to?  It's certainly not tomatoes who are comfortable in their own skin, and think the whole cougar thing is over hyped. And while we all admire Helen Mirren's bikini body, it doesn't send us into a downward spiral towards celibacy if our own bodies don't look the same.

 

Tomatoes feel sexy 
In fact, several months back, we surveyed tomatoes about how they felt at this point in their lives about being married or single.  Tomatoes responded in droves and here's what you said about sex.  And keep in mind that 80% of tomatoes who responded were 45 years or older. 51% said sex is as or more important to us now than when we were in our 20s. 32% said that sex is actually better now, and 46% said it's about the same. So for many tomatoes, if you were having hot sex then, it's still hot.  And 72% said that sex is very important in having a good relationship with your spouse or partner.
 
While we know the article is a well meaning effort to provide important information to women who may be having sexual issues that may be age or physically related, the tone of the article, and the ridiculous lead in questions, frankly annoyed us. It's another example of how the media talks down to smart, accomplished, sexy women over 50. And the sad thing is that the authors seem to fall in that category of smart tomatoes themselves.

 

Well here's a newsflash:  Most well-adjusted women over 50 don't want to be 25 again, don't aspire to be "cougars", and still consider themselves sexy even if their bodies no longer look like they did at 25.  And numerous studies and surveys also show that women over 50 are actually much happier with their lives than women in their 20ties, which is exactly what our survey showed too.  And most of us are far more secure about ourselves and our bodies now then when we were in our twenties.  So honestly, those "cultural messages" about sexiness being only the province of the young, are falling on our 50+ deaf ears.  If the 20-somethings don't think of us as sexy, we'll be here to remind them about that when they're 50+. Hey, we're still living down the 'don't trust anyone over 30 thing."  We'd love your thoughts. Post your comments at "tomato soup."
 
Cheers,