PTA Mom is the mother of three young kids age 6 and under who somehow either start out in the bed or end up there at some point during the night. She has a demanding job trying to make stuff up all day, coaches’ softball and cheerleading teams--which is like herding cats, a husband who at all times would rather be golfing and has a nanny with a tramp stamp. She loves red wine, Ciroc vodka and has gotten pretty good at the BBQ. Do not ask her to ever do the laundry as she doesn’t separate whites from darks and thinks Mr. Clean is really one of those hot bald guys. Come visit on a Friday during the summer and you are bound to hear some bad Karaoke. Just don’t ask her to remove the bag or you’d see her forked tongue.
She chooses to remain anonymous. Do you blame her?
10. Outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs abruptly quits CNN. It would be ironic if he was replaced by a guy with a name like…Geraldo Rivera. Or Jose Quervo for that matter?
9. Sarah Palin says McCain aides kept her bottled up. Now that I think of it, she would be good in the role that Barbara Eden played on “I dream of Jeannie.” Imagine John McCain as her Col. Nelson?
8. Jon Gosselin said that he and Kate will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day together. I don’t think those kids will be singing “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus…”
7. “First lady Michelle Obama appears on ‘”Sesame Street” to celebrate the show’s 40th anniversary. Sources say the episode gets a little tense when Ernie and Bert ask the first lady why her husband’s dragging his feet on gay marriage.”- via Conan O’Brien
6. Sammy Sosa is now white. He claims that a product he uses to soften his skin is responsible for making it lighter as well. I don’t know who is more unrecognizable- Sammy or Mickey Rourke?
5. Darius Rucker was one of two black performers to win a major individual award at the Country Music Awards. The other was Kayne West for being the butt of most jokes.
4. Harry Potter star Radcliffe is steaming mad over allegations he was smoking pot in a photo. His friends tried to calm him down by saying, “Hey dude, have a hit of this and you’ll relax.”
3. Precious opens this week, starring a morbidly obese unknown girl as the main character. I heard Kirstie Alley was so desperate for a new film role, she showed up in pigtails and blackface to audition.
2. Florida police say a man arrested for repeatedly calling 911 looking for sex claimed it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes. Bet he was wishing he had rollover minutes.
1. NY’s Gov. Patterson said New York City will be broke by Christmas unless we make some cuts. Hmmm…Mr. Paterson, I can think of one job that can be cut.