No, it’s not your Mom’s Tupperware party,
but it could be “Rubber-Made.”
By PTA Mom
This Cherry tomato recently was invited to not one, but two, adult sex toy parties. Each was hosted by two competing companies--Slumber Parties and Passion Parties. Whatever you call them, I just call them a “Party in my Pants Party.” Probably not a big draw in the “Red Bible Belt” States, but the “Blue State” PTA Moms loved it!
You (the victim) get invited by a friend who has opened up her home so the presenter can give their demonstration. There is no cost to host a party and the hostess earns credits toward products based on how many people attend and how much stuff they buy. If you are a host, invite friends who complain that their husbands don’t give them any or are adventurous with deep pockets. You don’t have to sit around gossiping like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda to know who’s who. There is usually food and wine (lots of it, to get the women to loosen up to their inner Samantha stage) and a lot of giggling. They break you in by making you taste and smell a lot of lotions dispensed on white, ice-cream store plastic sampling spoons. At the last party the demonstrator went overboard with the tastings, and after a while, no amount of wine or vodka seemed to get rid of the taste of the Cinnamon flavored edible body lotion off my tongue. It was like being in a Baskin Robbins and trying all 32 flavors at once. Plus, I wasn’t sure of the Weight Watcher’s points value- I’d rather waste my points on wine. She then moved on to smells. She sprayed a Pheromone spray on my arm (which is supposed to use my own natural scent to attract a partner) and I seriously disgusted myself. My husband would be singing Love Stinks in no time and high tailing it into another room.
We played trivia games to see who in the room was the most “adventurous”. All answers were kept private, and no; I did not win, despite my having a copy of Gael Greene’s Delicious Sex on my nightstand since it was first printed in 1986. “Give yourself 1 point if you’ve ever gone commando at a restaurant; another 2 points if you informed your partner over the Linguine and Clam Sauce. 1 Point if you’ve ever had sex in a car; another 2 points if it was moving at the time.” I mean, come on, what women our age hasn’t done those things? I’ve been to girlfriend dinners at the Four Seasons with the older tomatoes, where the conversations all had “you know, it was the sixties” attached to the end of each sentence, so I know those ladies would have racked up the points right there [see reference for knowing which friends were “adventurous” and which weren’t].
So once you’re good and liquored up, they move on to the “Rubber-made” stuff. It’s educational- we found out that sex toys are banned in Japan (who knew?), but novelty rubber items are not, so all Japanese made dildos or vibrators (you’ll have to attend one to find out the difference) have funny little faces on them. I say buy American, we need to support our local economy anyway. Plus, I don’t want some little Ninja face looking up at me smiling while he’s trying the sushi. They use metaphors to tell you about the products: “This one goes in the front door, this one’s for the back door, and this goes on the doorbell” and have cute names like Kangaroo, Flipper, Butterfly, and Wabbit. What’s not so cute is the price tag of some of these things. Some of the items can cost as much as $125, but others, like the Silver Bullet, get the bang (hmmm…another pun?) for your buck award at $14.
In addition to laughing my **s off and having a great time with my girlfriends, the best part of attending one of these parties is seeing the reaction from a partner. Some, like the Tomato husband who gave his wife $500 to spend, are enthusiastic, and others, are threatened by the fact that there may be a substitution for their manliness. I say “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” is a good motto to repeat over and over to those who don’t like the idea. Plus, there are toys for the guys too, so surprise him with a little something and he won’t feel as threatened. And, if you do want to host a party, we recommend Jessica Ferngren or http://www.slumberpartiesbyjessicaf.com. She’s fun and won’t overload you with lotions we don’t know the point values for.