The NYC Insiders Guide
for women who aren't kids
The Dating Chronicles
True Stories from a Single Tomato
by
Bonnie D. Graham
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Bonnie D. Graham's bio tends to overflow the allotted space in an online dating profile. A divorced mom who raised a lawyer and a doctor, she has worked and/or dabbled as a mainframe computer programmer; Mary Kay cosmetics consultant; stand-up comic and founder of the troupe BonnieG & DaBoyz; ballroom and disco dance instructor and disco contest semi-finalist; bachelor auction MC; global marketing communications manager; writer/editor; graphic designer; newspaper reporter; concert reviewer; celebrity interviewer; rock ‘n’ roll trivia column ghost-writer; digital photographer; talk radio and cable TV producer/host/interviewer; eBay seller/buyer/instructor; and social media instructor. Now a card-carrying member of AARP, the Sandwich Generation, and the legion of laid-off American workers over 50, she gleefully Tweets as @RadioRed777 and can be found in her spare time splashing around in the dating pool. www.bonniedgraham.com. Email: Bonnie@bonnietv.com
Welcome to my world, single Tomatoes among us. Last month I recommended turning your dating sights online where the singles pool is always filled and open 24/7. Now let’s channel Judy Collins for a Both Sides look at how both genders' e-dating profiles express their "authentic selves".
I present to you 20 anonymous (unless you are, or you recognize, the writer] excerpts from a New York Metro sample of singles age 45-55 on a popular dating site with 750,000 active members worldwide. Original spelling, grammar, punctuation and capitalization are intact, despite my deep-seated urge to edit. The brief introductory comments are mine. Let the dating games begin.
Mr. Right:
#1 could be a spy. “Someone I can tell my darkest secrets and know she will always keep them in her heart and soul.”
#2 knows exactly what he wants: “Ideally, someone in her late 40s to early 50s, 5'4" or taller, attractive, buxom, with one or no children. Is that so much to ask for?”
#3 can name his dream woman in three notes: “Be nice. Be smart. Be fun.”
#4 has designed his perfect first date: “We go somewhere where I can make you drunk and get the truth out.”
#5 is poetic and hates being ignored: “Seeking a synergistic and magnetic softness that makes time stand still. Must be genuine and filled with romance and not the New York Times crossword puzzle (just not obsessive). The perfection of unconditional love.”
#6 may be a philosophical Hoover salesman: “A woman wants a man who is powerful, successful and sensitive. A man wants a woman who is attractive, well dressed and has a good sense of humor. Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. My best advice to you – when your dreams turn to dust...vacuum.”
#7 has high self-esteem: “Since men are video and women are audio, a first date should be drinks and the opportunity to create that Perfect Second Date without me having to get a Temporary Restraining Order. I believe in love at first sight...it saves a lot of time.”
#8 has been in therapy – a lot: “I want a nice ‘normal’ lady -- definition of ‘normal’ seems to be in question -- someone who have been thru their share of hard times and have grown from it and who can see the future thru clear eyes (not poisoned by the past) and know what they want. Not looking for another mother (already had one Jewish mother) or a cleaning lady as I am quite domesticated.”
#9 has an acute sense of smell. “A woman that is comfortable in jeans without makeup, down to earth, witty and bright, humorous, not drowning in perfume. Natural soaps and body wash is so much more desirable. In the evening...VOILA...she is transformed superficially but is still who she always is inside.”
#10 is charmingly vague: “I am very open to the person I am looking for.”
Ms. Right:
#1 gets down to basics: “I am looking for a good man.”
#2 expects a lot: “A man who is wordly, educated, sophisticated, interested in other cultures, like challenges and persue them, ambitious, well rounded, has diverse interest, mature and clear about what he wants in life.”
#3 might be a therapist: “I want be able to talk openly about the things that effect you.. without being judged or criticized…The willingness to let go of your ego and dive in to take a chance to live a life with feeling.”
#4 wants a strong yet sensitive man who is “really down to earth, humble, honest, caring, bold, daring – no Mama’s Boy. I'm not into looks – it’s the kind heart that appeals to me – the romance, kissing and cuddling.”
#5 seeks character: “A stand up too the plate, fun loving man to Love, and have a purpose with.”
#6 wants to be completed: “Someone to add a deeper dimension to my life here on earth. Someone to bring me smiles and joy, who will love everything about me, both good and bad.”
#7 shouts her wish list with a caveat: “He is Spiritual, Strong, Very Successful, Kind, Humorous, Intellectual, Sophisticated, Worldly, Caring, Loving, Honest, Loyal and Affectionate, a Sense of Style, Well Groomed, Well Educated and Articulate. Relishes Laughter, Intimacy, Happiness. Appreciates the Finer things in life. Must Love Dogs.”
#8 is an altruistic homemaker: “A man who loves animals, and cares about his health too. (But not so much so that he wouldn't enjoy eating what I bake.) It would be nice to be with someone who cares about making the world a better place, someone who's charitable. Of course, there has to be chemistry.”
#9 cuts to the chase: “I am not looking to go around all over the place looking for this person. Hopefully, we can communicate a few times, make a connection and have the same goals. My goal is to find compatibility, friendship and much much more. I'd like him to fall in love with me and to want to be My Hero forever and ever.”
#10 can take care of herself: “I prefer yes over no, but for the most part, won’t cry for too long if it’s a no.”
Tomatoes, there you have it. I welcome your comments, the most interesting e-profiles you’ve found, and your own dating tales. Wishing you a holiday season sparkling with the love of life, family, friends and self…/bonnie Bonnie@BonnieTV.com
Mr. and Ms. Right - The Cyber Dating Game
