Over 40 & Dating Again – Or –
Everyone Back Into The Pool
OnlineDatingMagazine.com reports that every month, more than 40 million people in the US access dating websites, the fastest growing online content sector. “Online, over 25% of women over 40 have been quoted as finding someone through online dating.”
Wikipedia.org reports that US residents spent over $500 million on online dating and personals in 2005, the largest segment of paid content on the web besides porn (Online Publishers Association and comScore Networks). U.S. online dating market spending is expected to nearly double by 2011.
At the end of November 2004, there were 844 lifestyle and dating sites, per Hitwise Inc. By 2007, several studies reported soaring Baby Boomer interest in online dating.
In 2002, a Wired magazine article stated, "Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly… Serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming more efficient.”
Welcome to my world, sister single Tomatoes. The Chief Tomato graciously invited me to share my dating stories here, so let’s start from my latest new beginning.
Oh, my! Now well past 40 – over the speed limit, as I fondly refer to my age – I admit to being divorced for two-plus decades and starring in my fair share of screenplay-worthy relationship dromedies.
I’m certain my last breakup scene was lifted from an old romance novel or Ingrid Bergman flick. Picture this: While sipping our Sunday Starbucks on a quaint Great Neck street bench, we quickly became embroiled in yet another jaw-clenching, take-no-prisoners argument. Attempting to out-distance our escalating angst, we left the now-tainted bench and headed toward the junction of Bond and Grace – street names that, in 20/20 hindsight, state exactly what was missing from our stayed-too-long-at-the-fair partnership.
As we reached the corner, he pivoted 90 degrees to face eastbound Bond Street and prophetically stated, “I’m going this way.” And in an eerily knowing moment, I stayed my north-facing course and countered, “I’m crossing here and going home.” That was four months ago and the last time we were within a hundred yards of each other.
As days passed, neither of us initiated a reconciliation. After rearranging a few pieces of furniture and tossing our we-are-a-happy-couple photos, I came to gratefully embrace my reclaimed residential peace and solitude. But I quickly realized I was not ready to pack up my dance shoes, toss out my party-red lipstick or donate my romantic CDs and satin pillows to Goodwill.
But where to look for a worthy man without the fuss and muss of dating the entire pondful of toads? Certainly not back to the bars or dance clubs, at least not yet.
Alas, the Internet dating site ads predictably beckoned with promises of happily-ever-after, once again. I ventured forth online, vetting the most popular sites and architecting a personal dating landscape: two paid sites, two extended-free-trial sites and one all-freebie site. Plenty to fill my evenings with personal profile writing and rewriting, photo posting and replacing, screen name tweaking, man-search customizing, flirting and winking, emailing and IM’ing anyone whose ad stood out but whose picture did not scream “depraved stalker”. Through it all, I continually contemplated trimming a skosh off my public age.
Validation for my time and money investment came from male-POV relationship advice author J.M. Kearns [“Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You”], a recent guest on my “Up Close & Personal” radio show (www.BlogTalkRadio.com/BonnieDGraham). Kearns’ advice to a SF seeking a SM: to find the biggest pool of eligible men, you’ve gotta be online.
I agree. The sheer volume of online daters tips the odds in your favor and saves you from holding your breath until you bump into Mr. Right on a train, at church or temple, in a bar or at friends’ parties. Do the math.
Kearns devotes a third of his book to online dating, with male-brain insights you may not have considered. As a bonus, he deliciously describes what he postulates are the two major types of kissers: Neptune-style and Ariel-style. Read it and smile.
So, how is this online dating thing working for me? I decided from the get-go to seek age-appropriate men, rather than giving in to any nascent cougar inclinations. Men a few years either side of my age appear to be viable candidates; most still work, keep their brains sharp, play sports, enjoy theater and concerts, read, travel, have grown-up children, and some brag about their brilliant grandkids. Like me, they remember the early days of computer technology, which makes for easy conversation.
I’m happy to report that after an initial frustrating dry spell, several interesting men have sent me their compliments and phone numbers, and welcomed my call. I’ve had a few dates. It’s actually starting to be fun.
My next column will include a sampling of men’s online dating profiles –their “ideal woman”, “perfect” first date, and lessons learned from past relationships. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from other single Tomatoes with your nominations for all-time best/worst/funniest men’s dating ads and online dating sagas. Until next time, happy swimming!…/bonnie d. graham
The NYC Insiders Guide
for women who aren't kids
The Dating Chronicles
True Stories from a Single Tomato
by
Bonnie D. Graham
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Bonnie D. Graham's bio tends to overflow the allotted space in an online dating profile. A divorced mom who raised a lawyer and a doctor, she has worked and/or dabbled as a mainframe computer programmer; Mary Kay cosmetics consultant; stand-up comic and founder of the troupe BonnieG & DaBoyz; ballroom and disco dance instructor and disco contest semi-finalist; bachelor auction MC; global marketing communications manager; writer/editor; graphic designer; newspaper reporter; concert reviewer; celebrity interviewer; rock ‘n’ roll trivia column ghost-writer; digital photographer; talk radio and cable TV producer/host/interviewer; eBay seller/buyer/instructor; and social media instructor. Now a card-carrying member of AARP, the Sandwich Generation, and the legion of laid-off American workers over 50, she gleefully Tweets as @RadioRed777 and can be found in her spare time splashing around in the dating pool. www.bonniedgraham.com. Email: Bonnie@bonnietv.com
